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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27168595">Unfair</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/0845/pseuds/0845'>0845</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Toaru Kagaku no Railgun | A Certain Scientific Railgun</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Divergence, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Romance, Slow Burn</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-07 01:10:00</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>21,323</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27168595</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/0845/pseuds/0845</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p><em>"...Didn't know... where else to go."</em> Cutting her off, that single sentence was all Misaka could manage. The sparks around her died down, the buzzing sound stopped – and just like that Misaka Mikoto was completely out in Misaki's entrance hall, her crimson blood starting to form a small pool on the rich wooden floor.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Misaka Mikoto &amp; Shirai Kuroko, Misaka Mikoto/Shokuhou Misaki, Shokuhou Misaki &amp; Hokaze Junko</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>86</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>244</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>What's up my good fellows, this is the first one of my fics I'm posting ever ! Here are a few disclaimers:<br/>- english is not my first language and though I like to think I'm fluent after 11 years of mandatory english classes at school, I know I'm not quite there yet when it comes to creative writing, so if you notice anything weird in the way I phrase stuff feel free to comment - but be polite or else I'll pruposely do it again on the next chapter.<br/>- I know that summary sounds dramatic, but I promise it's the most gorey it gets, since I'm pretty sensitive to gore myself. cws will be on the notes at the begining of each chapter.<br/>- tagged as canon divergent because the only thing I know about the toaru universe is what I've seen from the railgun anime and manga and what some friends told me lmao idk if you notice this timeline is a mess no you didn't &lt;3<br/>- this was prompted by this tweet: https://twitter.com/proyearner/status/1302019124546146309?s=20</p><p>that's it, enjoy !</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The clock blinked, red numbers glowing 4:47 in the dark, when Misaki emerged from the pile of covers she'd buried herself in to sleep. Frantically, she scrambled in the dark for the light switch she thought would be right above her on the wall, but in her panic it took her longer than expected to hear the soothing click. It was a few long seconds until finally, finally she recognised her room, bathed in the artificial light. </p><p>Yes, her room. Everything was there, in place. There was no Exterior crazy plan, no scientists in scary helmets measuring her every aspect and filling her with strange drugs, no Kihara Gensei chasing after her with greedy, glinting eyes. She sighed, taking a few moments to ground herself. It was the third time she woke up with a nightmare only that night. On better days, Misaki liked to think she dealt pretty well with the whole Level 5 thing, but deep down she knew she truly was no better than that Misaka disaster.</p><p>Third time did it, Misaki got up, giving up on sleep. It was already routine: she washed the sweat out of her face and bangs, she got a glass of water, she sat on the couch and mindlessly zapped through the late night documentary channels until, three hours later, she would start getting ready for school.</p><p>But not that day. She was halfway through a very disturbing serial killer documentary when a thump sounded from the door to her room. It was barely audible – Misaki doubted she'd have heard it had she not been zoning out from the documentary already. Then, it sounded again, a bit louder.</p><p>Misaki got up slowly, not letting go of her TV remote. It wasn't likely to be a member of her clique that late in the night and without previous notice. Actually, she couldn't think of anyone well intentioned who would knock at her door like that at 5:30 am. Lucky for her, Misaki had foreseen situations like this one and requested her door to be made out of a very specific glass, transparent to infrared light. She aimed at the door, pressing the volume up button of the remote and...</p><p>Nothing.</p><p>Not a single conscience grazed hers, which could only mean one thing – whoever or whatever it was, was immune to her Mental Out.</p><p>The knocks were getting more persistent, desperate even, but weak nonetheless. Misaki briefly wondered if the person wouldn't have already kicked the door, had they meant any evil. She decided to risk it.</p><p>Slowly, her gloved hands undid the locks and she peeked out curiously, immediately suppressing a gasp.</p><p>"Misaka-san?" she whisper yelled.</p><p>Indeed the electromaster stood at the threshold of her door - but barely, already leaning into the wall. Her clothes were torn in multiple places, burnt in others, her hair looked like a wild nest with very questionable things mixed up into it, sparkles danced around her and the air around her buzzed like a high voltage electricity box, which made Misaki take an unconscious step back. Misaka coughed, trying to breathe out something, her lips way too red for that to <em> not </em> be blood. Only then did Misaki notice she was clutching at her stomach, with something that might once have been her jacket tied tightly around a very, very ugly wound. On wobbly legs, Misaka stumbled inside, wincing as she slid to the floor, leaning on the wall. Her eyes were looking up at Misaki, but they were concerningly unfocused, blinking slowly despite the artificial light shining directly upon them.</p><p>"What-" Misaki started, in pure horror.</p><p>"...Didn't know... where else to go." Cutting her off, that single sentence was all Misaka could manage. The sparks around her died down, the buzzing sound stopped – and just like that Misaka Mikoto was completely out in Misaki's entrance hall, her crimson blood starting to form a small pool on the rich wooden floor.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>next chapters will be <em>much</em> longer, don't be fooled</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I was supposed to update earlier, but senior year advanced maths and physics comboed together to burn all of my braincells this week and it took me a while to edit everything. kids don't go into stem unless you <em>really</em> love it, I'm telling you it's physically impossible to survive this shit if you don't look at your 4 page long mess of equations and graph drafts and think "damn this is the life".<br/>anyway,<br/>cw for mentions of drugs, amnesia and needles (not too bad, just hospital stuff)<br/>enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Mikoto slowly opened her eyes, after what felt like several days. Everything hurt from head to toe and she was briefly stunned by her ability to deal with that amount of pain without passing out from sheer sensory overload. <em> Fuck, I really pushed it this time. </em></p><p>Squinting against the brightness, she managed to slightly crack an eye open, which was immediately hurt with the light reflecting from the pristine white surfaces of the hospital room.</p><p>The hospital. Not good. Her mind swam, a nauseous feeling overtaking her. There was a buzz of voices beside her, but Mikoto couldn’t tell whether they were real or in her head.</p><p>"Relax, Misaka-san," a familiar voice distinctively echoed somewhere beside her. "No one will know about this."</p><p>It took a while, but eventually it clicked on Mikoto's head where she knew that voice from.</p><p>"Shokuhou?" was all she managed to rasp, before triggering was she was sure was the most painful coughing fit she'd ever had in her life. The dull headache consuming her increased tenfold and Mikoto let out a weak pained mewl, regretting everything in her life that drove her to that moment.</p><p>"I would advise you to try not to talk or get up," again Shokuhou's calm voice and the sound of a teaspoon hitting a metal table. "I'm almost sure the drug's effects haven't completely worn off yet and I would rather not have your vomit all over me, yes?"</p><p>Mikoto couldn't possibly process such a long sentence. She mindlessly laid there, staring at the ceiling and seeing how all the dots in it moved and how dizzy the whole thing made her.</p><p>"Now, you're not supposed to be up yet..."</p><p>A warm hand touched her forehead, and Shokuhou's starry eyes came into Mikoto's range of vision. In the cold, metallic light, her hair glowed like the halo of an angel. "Aren't you tired, Misaka-san?"</p><p>She doubted she could rest in this much pain. A strong smell of coffee hung in the air, making her feel worse and worse.</p><p>"Don't you feel sleepy?"</p><p>Mikoto blinked once, twice. All of a sudden, her body felt oddly heavy and she was so, so tired. Before she could process it, she was again lost in the comfortable darkness of a dreamless, deep sleep.</p>
<hr/><p>The second time Mikoto woke up, she felt much better. There was no excruciating pain on her body, no fuzzy mind - just a pure and limpid calmness. Shokuhou wasn't there. <em> Did I hallucinate? </em></p><p>Mikoto slowly shifted onto a sitting position on the hospital bed, taking in her surroundings. A slight feeling of uneasiness crept up her spine. There was definitely something wrong, she just couldn't wrap her head around <em> what </em> it could be. The rhythmical beeping of the hospital gear attached to her brought her back to reality. She blankly stared at the multitude of tubes connected to her arms. </p><p>Why was she at the hospital? She could not, for the life of her, remember a thing.</p><p>"This is not good," she mumbled to herself, starting to feel not so calm anymore.</p><p>As her eyes frantically scanned her room for any threats, she felt someone approach. First it was their phone she detected, then the footsteps, then the door silently crept open. Mikoto felt like she couldn't even attempt to get up or her body would give up on her for good, but she was ready to fry whoever it was down to ash in seconds, if necessary.</p><p>"Ah, Misaka-san!" Shokuhou's voice again, in an incredibly fake swooning tone. Mikoto felt relief wash over her. "Good morning!"</p><p>The starry eyed girl carefully detangled her bag strap from her golden hair, sitting down on a chair beside Mikoto's bed. The electromaster blinked.</p><p>"Morning? Shouldn't you be at school?" She asked, smartly.</p><p>Shokuhou had whipped out her phone and was typing something on it, not sparing a glance Mikoto's way.</p><p>"I skipped, because apparently I have to be here, babysitting you," came the dry reply.</p><p>Mikoto was beyond confused now.</p><p>"Why would you need to do that?" She tried to fish anything out of her non-existent memories that would justify such a thing. Shokuhou laughed.</p><p>"Oh come on, I think you can remember that without my help," she dismissed, putting her phone back inside her purse. Then, she took in Mikoto's confused expression and her voice was suddenly no longer playful. "...Right?"</p><p>Mikoto was silent, very focused on trying to remember something, <em> anything </em>.</p><p>"Misaka-san. You can remember, right?" Shokuhou's tone was serious, yet a hint of panic was tugging at its edges. She held both of Mikoto's hands on her own, her eyes focused only on scrutinizing Mikoto's own. "Tell me why," she started, slowly, "you came into my room at 5 am, severely wounded and bleeding, and passed out on my floor."</p><p>There, Mikoto's eyes lit up. Even through the gloves, that touch was familiar. The hand on her forehead, hair shining like pure gold, the darkness from before, the demon chasing after her. She was silent for a few minutes, processing the flood of new information. Shokuhou let out a relieved sigh but did not let go of her hands.</p><p>"Shit," Mikoto cursed, before turning to try and get up. "Let go of me, Shokuhou, I can't be here," she snapped when the other girl didn't bulge. </p><p>"You're too weak to fight my grip and you think you would survive out there?" Shokuhou shook her head. "Listen, Misaka-san, I knew you would say something like that. I had a feeling someone was after you for something, am I right?"</p><p>Mikoto calmed down a bit and let herself sink back into the sheets, letting out a reluctant sigh.</p><p>"What is it?" Shokuhou continued. "DNA? Money? Some mess you got yourself into as usual?"</p><p>Mikoto still refused to answer.</p><p>"I happened to run into some... bad intentioned people on the way here. They had no useful information about whoever was in charge of the whole operation, but it was something quite shady. They didn’t seem to be looking for you as much as they seemed to be making sure you were not around, though... Misaka-san, if there is someone out there that can leave you in that bad of a state, I would certainly like to know who they are." Shokuhou finished, sitting down on her chair again, hands wrapped around her purse.</p><p>"Am I safe here?" Mikoto voiced quietly, as if afraid that someone would be eavesdropping.</p><p>"I made sure no one knows who you are," Shokuhou reassured her.</p><p>"Well..." Mikoto hesitated a bit, "I'm not sure I know what they're after me for. I think I... burned down… something valuable…? Accidentally, that is. Maybe."</p><p>Shokuhou seemed to be giving up on her by the second. Mikoto cleared her throat.</p><p>"As for who could do that to me... Well, I'm only the third ranked, after all," she said sheepishly.</p><p>"Accelerator? You tried to fight him again?" Shokuhou looked at her like she was stupid. Mikoto took it personally.</p><p>"What?! No!" A spark lit up, momentarily syncopating the rhythm of the machine beeps. "The other dude above me... I can't remember his name... Dark Matter? We never hear of him, I think he works for some fishy dark side organization or something. I’m sure it was him, because he looks like the embodiment of satan and he also had those wings. For some reason, he was personally onto me yesterday and he wasn't really affected by my electricity, so that was fun," Mikoto shivered. "And I swear I didn’t do anything! It was like he did it more as a fun night out activity than as a mission? For all I know I might have just walked into something I shouldn’t. Something really bad, if he went to the trouble of chasing me like that."</p><p>"What were you doing out at such an unholy hour anyway?" Shokuhou asked, already looking thoroughly out of patience. "Tokiwadai is safe, you know? Even for troublesome brutes with zero self-moderating ability like you."</p><p>"That right there has nothing to do with this case and therefore is none of your business," Mikoto huffed.</p><p>"<em>My </em> business? You want me to be your private detective now too, Misaka-san?" Shokuhou raised an eyebrow. "Isn't that what your Judgement friends are for?"</p><p>"Well if you don't want to do this, I'm just fine by myself," Mikoto crossed her arms, "but I can't have them get involved. Kuroko, Uiharu, Saten... They don't need to get a taste of this world," Mikoto looked away, fidgeting with the embroidered hem of the hospital bed sheet. "You're a Level 5 too, so you get it, don't you?"</p><p>Shokuhou was silent. Mikoto internally questioned herself whether she was doing the right thing. She had promised Kuroko she would no longer try to do things alone, but she still didn’t have the courage – or audacity – to bring her friends' lives to the line and mark their names onto a world that had the power to make them suffer like they’d never known was possible. The last thing she wished for them was that kind of hopelessness and despair - even if they eventually had to, she didn’t want to live knowing she was the one who ruined their chances to have a life as normal as possible while still being her friends. Shokuhou though… she was already five feet deep into it, just like her. She’d been practically born into this reality. She knew what to do, so she could help her.</p><p>"...So you came to me?" Shokuhou said, playfully, after a few moments. "That's a surprising amount of character development ability for you, Misaka-san! What an honour," she brought her hand to her chest in a gesture of dramatic gratitude, "I thought you'd rather die than ask me to help you out with even as much as your Japanese assignment!"</p><p>Mikoto threw her her best death glare.</p><p>"If your goal was to make me regret this, then you succeeded. You can stop acting stupid now."</p><p>"Maybe if you knew more about decent manners you wouldn't think of it as stupid, but I guess you do prefer the inelegant, dumb, impulsive approach," Shokuhou sighed, picking her phone back up when it vibrated briefly.</p><p>"Shokuhou, as soon as I'm out of this bed, I swear to god-"</p><p>"Yes, yes," she cut her off, waving her hand to dismiss the matter. "I have things to take care of now, Misaka-san," she declared, getting up, "will you be fine without me?" she added in a sweet mocking tone.</p><p>"I will be even better when you leave." Overcome by a sudden wave of sleepiness, Mikoto was back to lying uselessly on her bed, too tired to argue back. Everything seemed to weigh down on her, all at once, and her eyes were way too heavy to be kept open.</p><p>"I’ll think about your case," she registered Shokuhou's voice, unusually cold, before falling back into a peaceful sleep.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>oo the plot thickens ~<br/>next chapter may take a bit longer since it's huge and needs a ton of editing and I have a physics test next week, but I'll do my best. see you then!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>don’t feel obligated to read all this huge note lmao, no cws for this chapter it’s pretty light so go ahead and read if you want to ! btw I forgot to say this earlier but they're high school students here, it's just too weird for me to write them as 14 year old middle schoolers I'm too old for that lol</p><p>as you can see by the word count, I had a blast writing this chapter - for the sole reason that it's Misaki's pov. she's probably my favourite character in the entire series, she's sooo interesting!! I wrote this a while ago, but recently I had the opportunity to read railgun SS3 and astral buddy and there were moments that really intrigued me (no spoilers but) at some point in SS3 they confront a telepath girl who for some miracle can actually read Misaki's thoughts too. she says it's scary how angry she was beneath the calm surface of her act. in astral buddy too there's also Those Moments where they show only a character’s eyes and like in my country we always say the eyes mirror the soul and Misaki’s were always so... cold and lifeless. it was really interesting for me to explore what goes on behind the scenes when it comes to Misaki’s character and I hope I did her some justice hahah</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>As soon as Misaki stepped outside of the hospital, the pale winter sun greeted her directly in her face. She squinted and frowned, already bothered by everything. In a very unladylike gesture, she took off her jacket, tying it around her waist. Dealing with Misaka wasn’t an easy task for her, even on a normal daily basis, but this deal she had come up with was a step above everything. Misaki did her best to control her temper, but when Misaka had calmly stated she was asking her for help in order to not involve her friends… A dull headache was starting to settle in, which was no good sign at all. Misaki had refrained from trying to go through Misaka’s memories earlier, but she regretted it now. The deal had sounded so suspicious; there was no way Misaka would propose such a thing to her, was there? What was she thinking? That her friends couldn't defend themselves? Or worse - did she think it was better to lose some acquaintance like her than her friends?</p><p>Misaki focused on breathing in the unusually warm winter air to block out all the invasive thoughts. It actually smelled like spring, which made her feel a bit calmer. She needed to talk everything through with - a more awake and less drugged - Misaka before she accepted, declined or panicked about anything and she already had a pretty good idea of where to start. </p><p>It was rare for Misaki to be caught off guard information wise, but Dark Matter had not ever been someone she had to be concerned about, save for the obvious higher rank reasons, and so she’d conformed to simply making sure she didn’t have to ever deal with him. Sighing, she cursed Misaka fur ruining her smooth plans yet again.</p><p>She was to meet Dolly and Mitori for lunch together, but until then she had a few hours to spare in the school's library. Even though their school had a respectable number of students, many labs chose to keep old registrations and books on the library due to its approved safety and the fact that Tokiwadai students weren’t, by default, the people they wanted to avoid. If she got lucky, there would be something about Dark Matter somewhere in the huge archive.</p><p>At the first opportunity, she hopped into a taxi back to Tokiwadai, making sure the driver didn't remember her and the girls in the school hallways didn't see her pass through them.</p><p>As usual, the library was pretty much empty in the morning, since it was the only period when everyone was in class. She took a minute to recover her breath after having power-walked through the entire campus, gripping one of the shelves when the floors briefly shifted around her. Mental Out and a gratuitous amount of coffee could temporarily make her act like she hadn’t had a total of five hours of sleep the entire week, but there were limits to what she could do, even with her power. And right now she felt dangerously light headed.</p><p>Misaki vigorously shook her head and tried to focus on her original mission, praying she could at least push through the rest of the day. She knew the shelves well enough to make a beeline into the Power Development section without having to ask the lady in the corner desk for help. She picked up a book she had picked up many times before: a heavy biography about Academy City's seven Level 5s. Shokuhou Misaki had her own section on it, even though the information was mostly wrong. She briefly considered not being the only liar in the book, but if she had as much as a name and esper power, she was sure she could get the information she wanted through sheer mind reading and navigation work, if it came to that.</p><p>Kakine Teitoku had a one page long biography that didn’t say anything about his life whatsoever. Misaki was not surprised in the slightest, for it was usually like that when they were involved in confidential science business. What it did say was that, even though he was commonly known as Dark Matter, his ability could also be called Unknown Matter, which was a much more accurate name according to the brief description of what he could do. Misaki didn’t get fooled that easily, though – he wouldn’t be the second ranked Level 5 if all he could do was create a bunch of random stuff out of nowhere. She placed the biography back in the gap it had left in the dusty shelf and moved on to a different one, procuring the word “Dark”, then moving on to “Unknown” when she didn’t find anything useful. It took her ten minutes of intense searching, but eventually she stumbled upon what she was looking for. She had hated that encyclopaedia more than anything a few years ago, but now it came in handy. It contained multiple scientific articles about each of the Level 5s abilities, as well as detailed descriptions of what each esper power implied in its multiple branches. Reading it was how she found out she couldn’t use her ability on Misaka, and how the entire student body had found out the extent of her own power and deemed her a threat.</p><p>Misaki forced the bad memories to the back of her mind and focused all her attention on flipping through the book’s pages. Accelerator, as the ultimate successful lab rat, had almost a quarter of the book reserved for himself. Breakthrough articles on power development research, scientific experiments, various medical analysis reports, system evaluation records of before he became a Level 5… Misaki got so distracted reading through the articles that she not only missed the point of having picked up the book in the first place, but also the approach of someone else.</p><p>“Queen!” A soft voice cheered.</p><p>“Eep!” Misaki jumped a bit, dropping the book on the floor with a loud slam. The librarian glared at them, warning to kick them out if they started a ruckus, all while Junko profusely apologised for startling her.</p><p>“J-Junko? What’re you doing here?” Misaki tried to calm her heart rate down while Junko picked up the book.</p><p>“I got dispensed from morning classes,” she explained sheepishly. “Another headache. Do you need any help?”</p><p>“I’m alright, Junko-san. Sorry about that, by the way,” Misaki knew Junko saw exactly how exhausted she was behind the stars in her eyes.</p><p>“It’s okay, no one can have a good day every day,” Junko tranquilized her with her usual deeply soothing smile.</p><p>“Do you… um… want help with it?” Misaki was already rummaging through her purse for a specific remote.</p><p>“Ah, no need! I was already on my way to the dorm, I’m sure I’ll feel better in the afternoon. I don’t want to cause you any more trouble,” Junko excused herself, before deeply bowing, adding a “See you tomorrow, Shokuhou-sama” and elegantly walking out of the library.</p><p>Misaki sighed, noticing a small smile had found its way to her lips. Even though Junko insisted on using all the formalities, she was still the girl closest to her out of everyone in the clique. Someone she could call a friend and love unconditionally. Someone who had lived with her through more misfortunes than she could count. With Junko, she could pretend nothing was wrong with their world in a paradise of flowers, fine tea, sweet cupcakes, idle chatting and soft giggling. She briefly wondered if Junko’s past attempts to set her up with Misaka had been the reason why the electromaster had ultimately opted to come to her and drop the hot potato on her hands to deal with. Which brought her attention back to the book in her hands.</p><p>Misaki rubbed her eyes and resumed her research, irritated that she got distracted in the first place. Kakine’s section wasn’t much smaller than Accelerator’s, but the more she read about him, the more she could feel her stomach churning in pure dread. He had such control over Dark Matter he could not only create whole new types of matter, previously nonexistent in the universe, but also bend the laws of physics from an atomic level, alter reality, and consequently confuse and even control people in a somewhat similar way to her Mental Out. He single-handedly had the power of a god, or so Misaki thought. She remembered once being crushed by the weight of the amount of power Mental Out carried and even to this day she had to carefully section it and use remotes in order to keep things in control. All of this paled in contrast to what Kakine was capable of. Somehow, they were both Level 5s, but Misaki could now truly sense the gap between her and the higher ranked espers. Even between her and Misaka, the electromaster had so much more control over her power - so much she had escaped Kakine alive. They <em> really </em> needed to discuss some things.</p><p>This whole thing really was getting to her now. Misaka’s life had been seriously threatened and Misaki didn’t know to what extent her Mental Out could protect them both from someone like Kakine. If he really wanted to, he could easily track her down too, was she deemed worthy of getting out of the way. If he really wanted to… Misaki didn’t stand a single chance against him. In the end, it all depended on how big of a mess Misaka had prepared behind the scenes. Exactly what situation had Misaki gotten herself into by helping her?</p><p>Slamming the book shut, she placed it back on its exact space on the shelf and walked out of the library, oddly calm. Misaki knew her alienated reaction was only natural in such a situation; the crippling fear would start consuming her sometime later. Pulling out her phone, she noticed some missed calls – two from Mitori, one from Misaka. Then she looked at the time and realised she had spent way too much time on the library and was already late for lunch. Not that her friends weren’t used to her poor time management ability, but it was still rude. </p><p>Now why had Misaka called? Had she been in a car, she might have considered calling back because of the privacy, but right now the thing she was dreading the most was talking to Misaka and addressing the elephant in the room - especially in the middle of the crowded street. She swiped the notification away and decided to not think about it until she absolutely had to go back to the hospital.</p><p>At the appointed café, Mitori and Dolly were already waiting for her at the table. She walked over to them with the most dignity she could muster while knowing very well she was over 20 minutes late.</p><p>“Mi~sa~ki~chan!” Dolly cheered, jumping up to hug her, while she awkwardly waved at a fake mad Mitori who was pretending to point at her non-existent watch.</p><p>They settled down, made their orders and waited until the waiter was long outside hearing distance. Then, the wave of questions crashed over Misaki.</p><p>"What were you up to that made you come late and forget your jacket?"</p><p>"How come it's not even past midday and you look wide awake?"</p><p>"A bit pale too..."</p><p>"Oh! Oh! Misaki-chan is it a boy?? Mi-chan said it probably was, right?"</p><p>"I didn't say anything."</p><p>"Ehh? I heard it clearly!"</p><p>"You dreamt about it yesterday, actually."</p><p>Miskai shook her head, sipping on the black coffe her friends had previously ordered for her, knowing her all too well. It was bitter and made your teeth yellow, but she’d take that any day over one of those additive filled energy drinks.</p><p>"Now, now, no need for all that commotion," she said nonchalantly.</p><p>"C'mon tell us, I wanna know!" Dolly was practically jumping on her seat.</p><p>"It's nothing fun," her serious tone caught Mitori's attention. "Misaka-san got herself into trouble again, but this time she came to me. And asked for help."</p><p>There were a few heartbeats of silence.</p><p>"I thought you'd taken care of the stinky old man?" Mitori was the first to bring it up.</p><p>"I think I did!" Misaki shivered. "It's... not him or his bunch. Something with Kakine Teitoku, the second ranked one. She messed with him, then knocked at my door and bled on my floor and then I had to take her to the hospital and now, after barely making it out alive, she wants to stick her nose where she shouldn't again and she wants me to help her out with it."</p><p>"Ugh, that hero complex again," Mitori rolled her eyes.</p><p>"Hmmm... Kakine-kun was the backup plan for Accelerator, right?" Dolly asked innocently.</p><p>"What?" Misaki and Mitori asked in a chorus of different levels of stupefaction.</p><p>"I... don't really know why or how I know this," Dolly stared at the table sadly. "But I know they called him Backup when referring to him back at the lab. Maybe he didn't like that too much..."</p><p>Mitori hummed in mild agreement, but Misaki was silent. The girls didn't know that yet, but she too had had a backup plan that had not, by any means, ended well. Academy City did not waste money. Backups were created so that a quicker development occurred because of a fight to death in which the winner got to not be disposed of somewhere and have their life doomed to failure. The fact that Kakine was still alive and thriving, even after Accelerator succeeded in every aspect... It could not be good in the slightest. She could very well see the possibility of them having a story similar to her and Ayu-chan's.</p><p>"Hey, Misaki," Mitori spoke. "Are you really gonna do that? Accept the deal? Kakine is no joke, I really wouldn't want to be on his bad side."</p><p>"I don't know yet..." she confessed. "For all I know I could already be on his blacklist. I have to talk all of this through with Misaka-san. Later when she recovers what little rational thinking ability she had before being administered all those painkillers." </p><p>"Good luck with that, Misaki-chan! You can call us if you need," Dolly assured.</p><p>"Thank you..." Misaki pretended to analyse the intricate pattern of the table cloth when she felt her face warming up.</p><p>The waiter arrived at their table with their orders. By now, Misaki didn't feel like eating at all, but she still picked at her food for a while, in silence.</p><p>"Y'know," Mitori started. "Back when I was working with the filthy old man, he talked a lot about Accelerator and Kakine. He was kinda unhealthily obsessed with them, but especially Kakine... I don't think he actually believed that Accelerator would reach Level 6 before Kakine, or at least he liked the implications of Dark Matter better? Who knows? People around us spread a lot of stories about them and I don't know to which extent this is true, but... I heard that organs are one of the things Kakine can create. Out of nowhere, I mean. They said he once fought Accelerator and his body was torn apart and yet... he survived 'cause he just created a new body. If that's true then he might as well be immortal."</p><p>Misaki swallowed. After what she'd read about him in the library, she did not doubt the story. It would be child's play compared to the rest of the things registered in other experiments.</p><p>"Maybe your mission here is to get that whole investigation idea out of Misaka's head," Dolly declared. "Either way, please be careful, Misaki-chan."</p><p>"I'll also help, if necessary," Mitori mumbled. "Not that I stand a chance against that killing machine, but maybe we both do."</p><p>Misaki was yet to get used to having her friends full support and so she was speechless for a bit.</p><p>"Well, let's not think about it, for now," Mitori winked at her, "I'm sure you'll do the right thing."</p><p>"Yeah! Do your best, Misaki-chan!" Dolly cheered.</p><p>And for a second, just a flimsy second, Misaki felt at home.</p><hr/><p>The sun was already setting when Misaki finally decided to return to the hospital a few days later, mindful that if she took any longer she’d be forced to break curfew. Her mood had improved a bit since the afternoon spent with her friends, but now she could only feel the dread eating at her from inside. She wished the car ride was longer, but ten minutes later she was again facing the glass doors to the general hospital. She took a moment to pat her skirt to straighten it and sigh deeply, promising herself to make this as quick as possible. At least there was the excuse of not wanting to break curfew.</p><p>Misaka hadn’t called again after the first day. In a sudden panic, Misaki had called the hospital right after arriving home that day just to make sure the call hadn’t been for help, but everything was alright. She then took it upon herself to call the hospital every single day, afraid Kakine’s psychometry would outdo her brainwashing ability and he’d somehow find Misaka. But the circumstances stood dutifully normal and now Misaki was there to personally see how the reason for her endless worries was doing.</p><p>The much dreaded moment arrived when Misaki mustered up the courage to silently open the door to Misaka’s room... and found her sleeping like a baby. Literally - mouth open, soft snoring; Misaki identified all the signs of the deepest phase of sleep, suppressing a laugh at how ridiculous she looked. She almost pulled out her phone to snap a picture, but… it downed on her how rare it was to see Misaka so peaceful. </p><p>Most powerful espers had a few physical or psychological features that were a consequence of their abilities. For her, it was the stars on her eyes and for Misaka… She always believed that despite the fact that the girl was a walking, talking electromagnet who also worked as a radar, her unmatched energy and determination also derived somewhat from her powers. She always saw Misaka doing stuff around the city. Creating problems, solving problems, giving some headaches to some Judgement people… But whatever she was doing, there was always this glint of bold energy in her eyes, like a permanently charged battery who could take on any challenge without ever getting tired or beat up. Misaki would never admit it out loud, but she secretly admired her for it.</p><p>Looking at her now, though, she seemed like nothing more than a weak projection of that person. There were some bruises on her face and arms, her hair short and thin. The same hair she’d decided to chop off on her first year of high school, making the entire student body - Misaki included - swoon over how much she looked like the male idols they saw on TV. Feeling her cheeks warm up at the memory, Misaki lightly slapped them, trying to get back to reality.</p><p>Now, it wasn’t on her plans to wake the sleeping beauty up – Misaki much preferred her initial plan of turning on her heels, leaving the hospital and pretending to have never been there in the first place – but the universe wasn’t so kind to her, as she walked right into the clothing stand beside her that fell to the floor with a loud crashing noise before she could do anything.</p><p>“Ow...” Misaki rubbed her forehead. “What’s a thing like this even doing in a hospital?” She snapped, trying and failing to kick the stand on the floor for revenge.</p><p>“Shokuhou?” Misaka’s voice was about one octave lower. She struggled to open her eyes against the white ceiling light and scramble awake. “There are nicer ways to wake me up, you know?”</p><p><em> Great, there goes my plan. </em> Misaki sighed.</p><p>“Good morning, sleepy head,” she deadpanned.</p><p>“How long was I out?” Misaka rubbed her eyes.</p><p>“Like I’d know,” Misaki was already working on carefully putting the stand back into place. “I just arrived here. And I didn’t wake you up, it was this stupid thing that-”</p><p>“Did you really just walk into a clothing stand?”</p><p>“I absolutely did not!”</p><p>“Did it walk into you, then?”</p><p>Misaki huffed, sitting down on the edge of the bed and delicately patting her skirt down. “Whatever you say, Misaka-san. I didn’t come here to talk about evil stands.”</p><p>“Oh! Yeah, speaking of which,” she slowly got up into a sitting position, leaning as close as she could to Misaki, “I figured I’m sleeping a lot because I overused my ability. It used to happen before I became a Level 5 when I worked too hard. At first the doctors thought it was narcolepsy. Did you get that too, Shokuhou?”</p><p>Misaki analysed Misaka’s expression for something more than sheer curiosity, but there was nothing. She didn’t take the electromaster for a good actress either, since her ability was purely physical.</p><p>“Hmm,” she stalled a bit, before deciding to give in out of curiosity. “I guess so! Sometimes I’d be bedridden, since I couldn’t find the strength to do anything. But that’s only one of the multiple things my Mental Out can solve,” she flipped her hair elegantly. Misaka’s nice smile turned into a sarcastic grin.</p><p>“Oh really? Then maybe you could help me too!”</p><p>“Misaka-san, has Kakine damaged your brain or are you normally that dumb? My ability does not work on you, because of your own, brutish one.” Misaki wasn’t liking the turn their conversation was taking.</p><p>“That brings me to the first topic I’d like to discuss with you,” Misaka’s stare seemed to be scrutinizing her soul. “How and why did you put me to sleep the first time I woke up?”</p><p>Harsh and direct, came the question Misaki never thought she’d hear so soon. She paused, trying to work up some excuse, but it was useless.</p><p>“Don’t be ungrateful, Misaka-san,” she complained. “I worked very hard to become capable of such a thing!”</p><p>Misaka kept staring at her silently, waiting for a deeper explanation. This was not going as Misaki had predicted. Misaka’s patience was running out and she could already feel the static growing in the air at the electromaster’s anticipation.</p><p>“Alright, alright, I’ll explain,” Misaki didn’t know why she’d say such a thing, especially given the fact that she was there to refuse Misaka’s deal and not to make sure she trusted her, but it came out anyway. “As you probably know, my ability has many different branches. Too many. It gets out of control if I don’t know exactly what I’m doing, so I use a whole bunch of different remotes to make sure I’m able to do exactly what I want to do. What I can do with each one varies according to the wavelength of the light each remote emits and its overall electrical composition,” here she handed a handful of various different remotes to Misaka, who analysed them with curious eyes and power. “Anyway, that doesn’t mean I can’t use Mental Out without a remote – it’s just <em> really </em> complicated. But I’ve been working on it. Putting someone to sleep is one of the simplest things Mental Out does; I could do it as a Level 1, I’m sure, if I had a remote. So now I can do it without one, if I focus really hard.”</p><p>“That’s it?” Misaki could feel the next wave of questioning coming.</p><p>“Misaka-san, I can’t make you forget anything that I tell you about my ability, so why should I delve deeper into its implications?”</p><p>Misaka seemed dumbfounded at that. Her intense stare softened, her hands went back to fidgeting with the hem of one of the thin bed sheets.</p><p>A few seconds of silence transformed into minutes. Misaki was about to get up and leave there, but then: </p><p>“You don’t trust me, do you?” Misaka voiced it so low that Misaki doubted she’d hear her had they not been so close from the heated conversation earlier. The words momentarily weighted unbearably on her shoulders. Was she doing it again? Pushing someone away because she couldn’t manipulate them? Was she wrong in not trusting Misaka? Unconsciously she’d started chewing on the tip of the thumb of her glove, a much hated nervous habit she was trying to get rid of.</p><p>“How about we take turns asking questions?” Misaka proposed. “You can ask me stuff too. Even if it’s about my ability. I’ll tell the truth, but you don’t have to. Is that okay?”</p><p>How was she dealing so well with all this? Misaki most certainly did not have the patience or the energy to discuss anything else with the other girl and as such, she retrieved her phone from her bag to work her magic curfew excuse, but-</p><p>"Curfew is already on, Shokuhou," Misaka analysed her nails. "Looks like you got distracted. So, let's do this?"</p><p>Misaki let out a shaky breath, realising the electromaster had probably carefully planned the whole thing. In moments like this, she remembered Kihara telling her she was weak. She didn't doubt he was right, but she was way too tired to think any deeper about it and so she acquiesced.</p><p>"Alright," Misaka sounded more excited, though she tried to conceal it. "You start."</p><p>Misaki was caught off guard.</p><p>"Why did you call me that day?" She blurted it out before being able to stop herself. Dealing with Misaka really did do things to her.</p><p>"Oh, that..." Misaki thought she detected a bit of embarrassment on her voice. "Well, you see... I was bored to death in here so I... um... I was kinda hoping you could bring me some stuff from my dorm? But then I realised it was stupid, since I couldn’t stay awake for more than 2 hours anyway."</p><p>"You expected me to go through your roommate?"</p><p>"You're literally-"</p><p>"Well, I tried," Misaki sighed. "Alright, I'll bring you what you want tomorrow. Text me the list."</p><p>Misaka was already typing on her phone. "Will you actually bring it or will you brainwash someone to do it for you?"</p><p>Misaki's smile didn't falter.</p><p>"Do you or do you not want your stuff, Misaka-san?" She asked sweetly.</p><p>"Alright, fine!" Misaka crossed her arms. "It's my turn now. Why did your ability work on me back then?"</p><p>"Because you were very much drugged and just out of a 4 hour surgery," Misaki declared nonchalantly.</p><p>"Then why-"</p><p>"Ah, ah, ah," Misaki shushed her with a meaningful look and a click of a button that immediately interfered in her barrier. "My turn now. If you can control your bioelectricity, can you control others too?"</p><p>There was a brief pause.</p><p>"Maybe if I was as good as that second dude or Accelerator," Misaka frowned. "I just- I don't know if that's the step I want to take next. It sounds like a lot of trouble."</p><p>"Since when did trouble stop you?"</p><p>"I'm already bad enough being the third ranked, the last thing I want for myself is getting between those two and having all the big scientists onto me. The school seems to be fine with me just keeping my position too, so I don't see any reason why I should aim any higher," to Misaki's surprise, she actually obtained a response. "Anyway, why did you put me to sleep back then?"</p><p>There it was. Misaki swallowed and pulled her act together.</p><p>"Well, you were up and you shouldn't be, so it was a pretty good opportunity to test whether I could work my ability on you if you were unable to use yours – plus I'd test my new skill on someone more powerful," she put up two fingers and winked. "That's two birds with one stone."</p><p>She got the expected reaction. A deeply offended frown and a sharp "Figured you'd take advantage of my state to try and brainwash me too". <em> Bingo </em>.</p><p>"In the end you still had your memories, though," Misaki continued. "I'll consider it a success."</p><p>"Your turn." Misaka didn't seem as amused anymore.</p><p>“Hmm... Let me see... Ah, yes. Why exactly did you come to me with all this? You never really answered that question."</p><p>Misaka didn't hesitate. "Who else was I supposed to ask? On the list of seven Level 5s, at least three of them want me dead. Excluding you, I don't even know the other two. Kinda obvious choice, if you ask me."</p><p>Hearing it out loud definitely made it sting a bit more. Misaki cursed herself for feeling anger boiling deep inside her, despite having expected that response. Obviously, this was what was expected from Misaka. But still, Misaki did something she was sure would be impossible to explain for years to come. She lost her composure.</p><p>"Very well," she declared coldly, picking up her purse and standing up decisively. "Misaka-san, I apologise if I ever made you think my life was disposable like that or that we could ever get along. Unfortunately, I am not dumb enough to agree to you stupid deal, not even if you pay me your entire inheritance. Have a nice recovery," she was already opening the door to leave, "I'll make sure someone I know comes here tomorrow with your stuff."</p><p>"Huh? Wait, Shokuhou!" There were equal parts of desperation and astonishment taking up Misaka’s voice. "I phrased it badly, please don't leave me here for god's sake."</p><p>Her plea was what stopped Misaki in her tracks. She slowly turned back to the bed, closing the door. Despite the amount of anger burning inside her, she couldn't help but be stunned that she actually got Misaka Mikoto, out of all people, to beg her to not leave.</p><p>"What was that?" She inquired, incredulous. "Care to explain why you chose me as a sacrifice of some sorts to spare your dear friends from the big bad Dark Side then?"</p><p>Misaka winced and Misaki couldn't tell whether it was in physical pain from having moved suddenly or just pure shame, but what came next really convinced her she should look into the theory of having dreamt this entire thing.</p><p>"Because I trust you, damn it!" Misaka forced out, clenching her fists on the sheets. "I don't want you to die, I don't want any of us to die, Shokuhou. I trust you not to get killed. I trust you to do all of this right with me because you know what you're doing and you know what we're dealing with. Did you forget my own life is on the line here?"</p><p>Misaki couldn't have replied if she wanted to. The whole situation sounded so unreal she was actually about to run into the stand again, just to make sure she wouldn't wake up in her bed, late for class, back in the universe where the electromaster hated her guts.</p><p>"Shokuhou, it's your turn to say something now," Misaka mumbled, as red as Misaki had ever seen her, face buried in her palms. The multitude of electrical gear around her filled the silence with multiple uneven beeps. Misaki idly registered that her own heartbeat was much faster than normal.</p><p>“I’ll do it,” she finally blurted out. “I already investigated a bit anyway.” </p><p>Misaka didn’t look up from her hands. A muffled “thank you” was the best she managed. Misaki knew she had serious trust issues and she blamed her stupid, stupid power for it. She couldn't bring herself to trust Misaka, no matter how hard she tried and it was frustrating. Because for once, she did want to trust her. All the other times they'd worked together had been a huge success and Misaki had saved a lot of trouble for herself by having someone do the dirty field work. Besides, she'd never heard such heartfelt words from the girl, was it possible she didn't mean them? There was no way to know. <em> There is no way to check </em>.</p><p>"Misaka-san," she voiced, after a few minutes. A grunt of acknowledgment was heard and Misaka finally looked up. "I'll come back tomorrow, okay?"</p><p>"...Fine."</p><p>She got up and was about to leave, but Misaka stalled a bit more.</p><p>"Um, Shokuhou?" </p><p>"What is it now?" Misaki was way past the end of her short patience.</p><p>"What did you tell everyone? About me suddenly going missing." Misaka pulled out her phone from somewhere beneath the covers. "You see... Kuroko called 46 times today and I didn't pick up, because I have no idea what to tell her."</p><p>"Family emergency," Misaki replied curtly. "You had to go out of town. Take it from there."</p><p>"Out of Academy City?" Misaka raised her eyebrows. "Me, a Level 5. Out of here. And they swallowed that?"</p><p>Misaki made a remote appear with a flourish of her hand. "I'm very persuasive, Misaka-san."</p><p>"Right," she grumbled. "Is that also why everyone has been calling me Tsushima-san around here?"</p><p>"Certainly, even you can understand they can't know your real name, right? Or is that too much for your muscle head already?" Misaki poked Misaka's forehead repeatedly, watching the girl slowly narrow her eyes in a dark, angry frown.</p><p>"If you don't take that finger away from me in the next five seconds I will bite it off."</p><p>There was no need for a second warning.</p><p>"Can I go now or does the baby need something else?" Misaki asked sweetly, already up and smothering her clothes.</p><p>"Get out," came the blunt reply.</p><p>"Sure thing. See you tomorrow, Misaka-san," she reached behind the hospital chair for her jacket, happy to finally be out of the depressing hospital room. The one jacket she had left at Tokiwadai. When it was deep set night and freezing out there. The day could not get any worse, could it?</p><p>"Where's your jacket, by the way?" Misaka asked in a teasing tone. Yes, yes it could.</p><p>"I may or may not have left it somewhere; which is irrelevant, because notions such as hot and cold temperature are purely psychological," she rummaged through her purse.</p><p>"What?!" Misaka looked at her like she was some odd creature. "Whatever you were about to do, don't. Just take my jacket, it's not like I'll be out of this hospital gown for another month."</p><p>Misaki blinked.</p><p>"I don't know if you're aware of our <em> very </em>different measurements, Misaka-san."</p><p>"I am <em> not </em> that much shorter than you and I actually bought this jacket a size up just in case, but go ahead and be ungrateful all you want. Have a nice cold." Misaka turned on the TV, deeming the discussion ended.</p><p>Misaki sighed, taking the godforsaken jacket and trying it on. It fit decently enough, contrarily to what she'd expected. It smelled just like the city outside, with a slight hint of a children’s shampoo.</p><p>"Thank you," she mumbled before finally leaving.</p><p>Upon closing the door, Misaki sighed, exasperated. <em> Just what am I doing? </em></p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>sooo I think I'm gonna stick to the "update every ~2 weeks" schedule since school really is catching up to me and soon I'll be dealing with driving lessons too *deep sigh*<br/>see you in the next chapter~</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>damn back at it again with the 6k words chapter..<br/>cws for mentions of needles and drugs again, mikoto's pov means hospital stuff as always<br/>some mentions of past mikokuro here!! I wanna write about them too so badddd</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Mikoto buried her face in the nearest pillow, making sure to wait a few seconds so that no one would hear her before groaning into it for a good minute. This sucked. Everything sucked so much. Especially since they’d decreased her dose of painkillers. </p><p>After waking up from more than fourteen hours of sleep, she found out her memories from the unfortunate encounter with Kakine were simply and purely gone. It was like trying to remember a dream. She held onto scraps of sensations and thoughts she’d made the effort to scribble down on the back of a paper the doctor had left her after she practically begged him for them. From those brief notes, it was possible to conclude two things: Mikoto had been burning with seething anger and the Dark Matter in his wings didn’t show up in her radar - as was ultimately proven by the last of Mikoto’s memories: the agonizing pain as one of the sharp feathers unexpectedly stabbed her stomach from the back with the bloodied tip barely showing beneath the front of her torn shirt. Nothing that could lead anywhere on their investigation.</p><p>And then there was the more pressing issue, stopping her from thinking properly about anything else. The Shokuhou Misaki issue. She knew the signs and it was happening all over again. First, she would run to her with her problems. Then it was her stupid starry eyes catching her attention. Then it was the way her golden hair reflected the sunlight that came in through the blinders. Then she was being an awkward mess around her and doing whatever <em> that </em> had just been. <em> And with Shokuhou of all people. </em> How utterly unfair could the universe even be to her?</p><p>To add to the problem, the electric gear connected to her bothered her day and night with its constant beeps and signals, she was bored to hell and back inside that room and unable to get up and go for a walk. The multiple things the doctors had stuffed in her arms also hurt really badly, besides making her feel sick only from staring at them. It wasn’t the first - and Mikoto believed it wouldn’t be the last - time her misadventures would land her at the hospital, but she hated it no less every time. There was nothing she despised more than the feeling of weakness all over her body, the vulnerability of needing someone’s help to do even the most basic things. It made her feel at the lowest of her being. She sadly eyed the window, briefly wishing Kakine would break through it and end her once and for all.</p><p>Yes, Mikoto felt like her life was about to hit yet <em> another </em>all-time low. And this time she couldn’t even binge eat overly sugary parfaits at the usual family dinner with her friends. She was completely alone in every sense of the word, because she had successfully pushed almost everyone away.</p><p>For a moment, the cacophony of thoughts in her head abruptly stopped and Mikoto laid lifelessly in her bed, feeling the oppressive silence of the hospital at night, too heavy to be broken by even the pop song currently playing on the TV at a low volume. She doubted she’d be able to sleep at all that night, not only because of the rotten feeling eating at her and the pain, but also because she was pretty sure she had slept about twenty hours only that day.</p><p>Her phone suddenly vibrated beside her. <em> Kuroko </em>. Mikoto stared blankly at her happy photo on the screen for a few seconds, weighing the pros and the cons of picking up. She really desperately needed to talk to someone and the prospect of it being her best friend made her feel a bit better already. On the other hand, she’d have to lie. Again. It was starting to make her sick to her stomach, how easily the stories would roll out of her mouth, like it was nothing.</p><p>She picked up.</p><p>“<em>Onee-sama! </em>” A cheery voice practically screamed on the other side of the line. Kuroko had long ago dropped her past antics toward Mikoto, but the nickname stood forever. Mikoto thought it was because there was something about being called by her actual name that put an infinitely heavy stone over their past romantic involvement, burying it forever.</p><p>“Hey, Kuroko.”</p><p>“<em>Where on earth are you? Is this another one of your secret adventures? </em>”</p><p>Mikoto winced. “So… No one told you?”</p><p>“<em>Told me what?” </em></p><p>She had a chance to tell the truth, after all.</p><p>“There was a, uh, family emergency.” Mikoto swallowed, listening to the silence on the other side of the line. “Some distant uncle of mine died and now everyone’s arguing about inheritances and endowments and whatnot.”</p><p>“<em>Oh, </em> ” Kuroko came from a very influential family too, so Mikoto prayed to every god that the girl was also familiar with stuff like that. “<em>Why do you need to be there for that? </em>”</p><p>“Well, you know my family,” she laughed awkwardly. “He left me some stuff too, so...”</p><p>“<em>For real? What is it? </em>”</p><p>“Just a bunch of money I don’t need,” Mikoto rapidly dismissed the matter. “Anyway, I couldn’t contact you for ages, what have you been up to?”</p><p>Kuroko seemed to perk up at that. “<em>Just the usual, but- Oh actually, today was interesting! Judgement patrol always is, but today we ran into some pretty shady people. Uiharu investigated a bit and we found out they were like a weird group of mostly espers who do suspicious odd jobs for big labs and important businessmen. They said they were merely working for the sake of science, but I don’t know, Onee-sama, they had some confidential Judgement documents on someone with a lot of criminal record… For bad stuff. I think she was a sniper of some sorts? The order to release them was superior, though, so we had to obey. They were bailed out by the government! Really makes you wonder what kind of business is going on behind the scenes... </em>”</p><p>Mikoto was frozen still.</p><p>“Did they tell you their group name?” She heard herself asking.</p><p>“<em>They didn’t say anything at all, they chose to remain silent and wait for the big guys to come pick them up, </em>” Kuroko spat.</p><p>“Who was the sniper?”</p><p>“<em>Yumiya Rak- And why exactly do you care, Onee-sama? </em> ” Mikoto felt another one of Kuroko’s lectures coming. “<em>If you think I’m going to let you butt your head into this case too, you’re so wrong. We could use you at Judgement, but since you insist on staying a civilian you’ll behave like one as well. One cannot jump in and out of Judgement business-"</em></p><p>“Right, right,” ironically, Mikoto felt herself relax at the familiar scolding tone in Kuroko's voice. “Sorry, I’ll stay out of your business as much as I can.”</p><p>“<em>Really? </em> ” Kuroko seemed to not believe her for a second. <em> “Well, I sure hope you do. </em>”</p><p>There was a brief, comfortable silence before Kuroko ruined it.</p><p>“<em>How about you, Onee-sama? </em> ” Mikoto feared that mischievous tone more than anything. “<em>Have you been busy? I called you all day and you didn’t answer once until now. Was it a pretty boy? Be honest.” </em></p><p>Mikoto groaned. “Kuroko, not this again, please,” she knew it was a lost fight. “I had to buy a new card and-”</p><p>
  <em> “A pretty girl, perhaps?” </em>
</p><p>Mikoto choked on her own spit.</p><p>“<em>I KNEW it! </em> ” Kuroko’s excitement was through the roof. Mikoto desperately tried to become able to breathe again, squirming and biting her tongue to avoid voicing the sharp pain that striked her through. “<em>Who is it? Who is it? </em>” she could hear her singing on the other side of the line.</p><p>“It doesn’t matter,” Mikoto rasped, finally.</p><p>“<em>It really does.</em>”</p><p>"It does <em> not </em>," she emphasized sharply and that wasn’t a lie. Mikoto was determined to push everything she did not want to deal with very far away. "I have more important things to worry about than a stupid childish crush."</p><p>"<em>Whoa. Seriously? What things? And I really never thought I'd live long enough to hear you call something childish.</em>"</p><p>"You certainly won't live long enough to hear it a second time if you keep asking nosy questions," Mikoto mumbled.</p><p>Kuroko gasped dramatically. "<em>I'm your dearest best friend, Onee-sama! My job is to be nosy! Besides, "nosy" is a word that shouldn't exist here, because as best friends it is our right to know everything about each other.</em>"</p><p>The enthusiastic speech was met with silence. Mikoto felt her throat closing. Kuroko was right. She was eating at the foundations of their friendship with every lie, and she told an awful lot of them. They were supposed to be inseparable partners, but when she thought of everything Kuroko didn't know it was like she was living a whole second life. She always told herself she was protecting Kuroko by doing it, but to what extent was that fair to her friend? Her friend who only meant well and who would do anything for her.</p><p>"Hey, Kuroko?" Mikoto didn't mean for her voice to come out so strangled.</p><p>"<em>Yes? </em>"</p><p>"I... I'm really grateful to have you as a friend, you know? You always did so much to help me and put me as a priority above anything else. B-but sometimes I feel... I feel like I don't deserve you. I feel like I'm too selfish."</p><p>There was a pause and Mikoto decided to continue.</p><p>"One day... When I'm older and wiser, I promise..." she took a deep breath. "I promise I'll make things fair for you again and I'll tell you everything and I'll do things for you too. I just- I have to learn how to be a better friend, okay?"</p><p>Kuroko was silent for a few seconds.</p><p><em> "...Where is this coming from, Onee-sama? You're scaring me a bit</em>," she laughed nervously.</p><p>"Sorry, I guess I just needed to get it out?" Mikoto sighed. "Must be this whole weird atmosphere..."</p><p>"<em>That's okay, I... I think you're a great friend already, Mikoto-chan. You keep saying you need to do all this stuff for me, but I'm perfectly happy and over the moon if you simply... exist. You're doing great, okay? You'll always be my best friend. </em>"</p><p>Mikoto blinked away the water that was starting to fill her eyesight. She laughed softly.</p><p>"Kuroko, are you crying?"</p><p>"<em>Y-you're crying!"</em></p><p>She heard Kuroko blowing her nose in the background.</p><p>"That was the first time you called me by my name." </p><p>The simple sentence quietly hung in the air.</p><p>"<em>No it wasn't</em>," was the automatic response. Kuroko sighed. "<em>Ugh, fine. It's just that... You almost never say stuff like that, so Kuroko got excited and... It came out</em>."</p><p>Mikoto's smile was the most genuine she'd done all day. "That's not a problem. You can call me whatever you want, Kuroko."</p><p>She didn't miss a beat. "<em>Anything? Even my wi </em>-"</p><p>"No."</p><p>"<em>Aw </em> ..." Kuroko sighed. "<em>I guess I'm not the lucky bit </em>-"</p><p>"Kuroko." In her head, Mikoto was already counting to ten. "We've been through this already."</p><p>"<em>I am simply joking</em>," she declared. Then, more seriously, "<em>I want you to be happy, Onee-sama, and I want to be happy too. Even if it's not as younger me imagined</em>." She laughed a bit and then the mischievous hint was back to her voice. "<em>But maybe if you said who it is Kuroko would feel better about it </em>..."</p><p>"Really?" Mikoto was seriously considering hanging up now.</p><p>"<em>Come on! You're bad at picking boys so maybe you're better with girls. And maybe, since you don't want her, you could give me her number, or </em>-"</p><p>"Not in a million years."</p><p>"<em>You're no fun</em>," Kuroko yawned.</p><p>Mikoto didn’t reply for a while, desperately trying to find a way to change the subject. She noted the clock on the wall marked well past midnight.</p><p>"Shouldn't you be asleep by now?"</p><p>"<em>Well, I have a bunch of Judgement reports to make... </em>"</p><p>"Your case got archived by the government, you just said it."</p><p>"<em>So? What if I have to report that </em>?" Kuroko retorted tiredly.</p><p>"I know you don't." Mikoto stared at the ceiling. "You're staying up to talk to me, aren't you? Please don't."</p><p>The line was completely silent.</p><p>"Kuroko?"</p><p>"<em>Hng?"</em> A sleepy voice sounded distant.</p><p>"Go to sleep, I know you've been busy." Mikoto coerced. “I’ll be here tomorrow and the day after that, we can talk whenever.”</p><p>"<em>Okay...</em>" Kuroko sounded a bit closer this time. "<em>Good night, Onee-sama.</em>"</p><p>"Good night, Kuroko."</p><p>The beep of the ended call sounded. The oppressive silence was back. And the real world and all the problems. Mikoto felt them weighing unbearably all over her. She wished she could go back to sleep, but she was fully rested now and all there was left to do was zapping through the late night talk shows and commercials on the TV until she was tired again.</p><hr/><p>At exactly 8 am, she heard a doctor coming in. He was not Heaven Canceler. In fact, Mikoto didn’t recognize anyone here. She thought she knew the city well enough to pinpoint where each hospital was, but the name in her yellow paper wristband was completely foreign to her. She could only guess Shokuhou had done a really thorough job in helping her mislead whoever was after her.</p><p>As usual, the doctor’s name tag read Imori Jun. Everything was just the same as the other days, except today he brought a wheelchair.</p><p>“Good morning, Tsushima-san,” Mikoto would never get used to seeing the stars flicker in his eyes. “How are you today?”</p><p>“Um, I feel fine.”</p><p>He held a syringe with the usual dosage of medicine and inserted the liquid into one of the bags on her IV, carefully analysing the multitude of needles and tubes connected to her arms afterwards. “Do your arms feel sore, Tsushima-san?”</p><p>“Yeah, sometimes they hurt pretty badly.”</p><p>He hummed.</p><p>“I see this vein right here has swollen quite a bit, so I’ll have to move this one to your other arm,” he explained, pointing to one of the needles. Mikoto grimaced.</p><p>“No need to make that face.” The doctor tranquilized her. “I’ll remove all of these today,” he indicated the other tubes, “but you’ll still have to be connected to the IV for another while, depending on how well you recover.”</p><p>He got to work and Mikoto looked away, squirming in discomfort. Imori seemed to notice this and started chatting to try and distract her.</p><p>“You know, Tsushima-san, I think you’re recovering exceptionally well.” And of course she was. Hokaze had taught her some pretty useful things and even if Mikoto couldn’t even dream of currently reaching the older girl’s healing speed of just a few seconds, she could very wildly abbreviate her time at the hospital. </p><p>Imori continued absently, focused on his work. “You got yourself into a really bad situation; you were really lucky your friend got you here so fast, otherwise the repercussions of your accident could have been much worse.”</p><p>“…My friend?”</p><p>“Yes, I… I haven’t really seen her a lot and I guess she is more of the shy blend-in type, because I really don’t remember what she’s like…” He explained, awkwardly. “But she comes here every day, doesn’t she? I thought she was your only visitor.”</p><p>“Oh, her.” Mikoto frowned.</p><p>“Aren’t you girls friends?” Imori asked cordially.</p><p>“Um. Yeah, I guess.” Mikoto phrased, slowly. She really had never thought of Shokuhou as a friend. They’d gone from enemies to partners in crime business and back to distant acquaintances once Hokaze gave up on trying to make them befriend each other. And now what Mikoto felt for her was definitely <em> not </em> friendship. And yet, to this outsider, they looked like friends. It was kind of curious, picturing such a thing.</p><p>“She helped you a lot after the surgery too,” Imori continued. “I assume you have a somewhat untamed ability because you woke up right afterwards and your brain activity was something else.”</p><p>Mikoto laughed awkwardly. “I guess you could say that.”</p><p>“Well, when you woke up we hadn’t administered the painkillers yet – and we couldn’t, because there were still a lot of chemicals in your body from the surgery, besides the anaesthesia and we couldn’t risk you overdosing.”</p><p>Mikoto saw him lay a few bloody tools on the metal and gulped as he started cleaning her skin with an antiseptic solution.</p><p>“Your friend said she thought her own ability could help you. There were some nurses with you then and they were very skeptical, but she somehow convinced them and you were back to sleep in a few seconds.” Imori whistled. “Thank her you weren’t agonizing in pain for a few hours there.”</p><p>Mikoto was rendered speechless. For a flimsy second she wondered if they were talking about the same Shokuhou Misaki she knew. Then, her brief illusion shattered when she remembered this man too was under the control of Mental Out. It wasn’t beyond Shokuhou to tell him to say something like that and then make fun of her for thanking her like an idiot. No, Mikoto wouldn’t get fooled.</p><p>Imori had finished patching up her arm and was now staring at her dark expression. “I thought I just told you she helped you?” He shook his head. “No use trying to understand kids these days. Alright, have a nice day, Tsushima-san. I think your friend said she was coming today too in the reception. If you feel suddenly cold or if your arms start feeling stiff, call a nurse immediately.”</p><p>Mikoto nodded enthusiastically. “I feel much better already, thank you so much!”</p><p>“Oh,” Imori remembered, already on his way out. “I brought you that chair because you’re allowed to go out two hours a day and you can go around in the wheelchair, but only if someone else pushes you. You absolutely cannot make efforts with your arms. Maybe ask your friend.” He winked and closed the door silently.</p><p>Mikoto glared at the chair. <em> Great, one more thing I’ll have to go through the humiliation of asking Shokuhou. Pretty sure she’ll be leaving me alone to rot here in a few days if this continues. </em></p><p>She still had a few hours to dread Shokuhou’s visit, so she entertained herself by imagining what kind of research she could have done and what information she had come up with. She knew Shokuhou had very good contacts and could get practically anyone to say anything, so she was one anxious fantasy away from becoming terrified. That night… She had noticed that a certain lab still had a remaining sample from her DNA and she just couldn’t sleep knowing it still existed - even after years of extensive therapy, she hadn’t been capable of getting completely rid of the deep set paranoia. It wasn’t a government funded lab, which tranquilized her a bit, but she had to play safe. She hadn’t done any other missions recently and hadn’t raised any suspicion over herself. She had reluctantly waited a few days after her discovery before setting fire to the whole thing. No one even recognised her with the casual clothes and baseball cap on. It was almost impossible the second ranked Level 5 would be just waiting for her at that exact hour. She wasn’t that important. </p><p>Mikoto couldn’t think of anything he could possibly want from her either. She was almost sure she had simply walked into something much bigger and concerning. She couldn’t remember what, though, or where on that matter. It was clear he’d messed up her senses during their fight, but how? How had he managed to make her forget everything related to the incident? From what little she knew about Dark Matter she thought it was a physical ability, but maybe because he had great control over it he could somehow do it, although Mikoto was pretty sure it was only to be done as a last resource thing. Additionally, she knew he had something with Accelerator and the superintendent of the Board of Directors. She had nothing to do with them and from her exact three minimally rational past conversations with Accelerator she also knew Dark Matter wasn’t one to go out of his way to stab random people who did not call Aleister every day or killed people from his organization. For the first time, she wasn’t so sure she wanted to investigate this deal.</p><p>Mikoto worried something like the Sisters situation would repeat itself, but she doubted that was the case there. Besides, whatever involved Kakine involved Accelerator and the last thing she was looking forward to was crossing paths with him again anytime soon. Any of them, really. They were submissive lab rats, made to destroy and create chaos “for the sake of science”. They didn’t deserve her help.</p><p>Regardless, the clock on the wall ticked and ticked and Shokuhou was nowhere to be seen. The impatience and anxiety would still nag at her for another three hours, before the starry-eyed girl finally made her way through the door, carrying with her a flashy paper bag with golden stars printed on it.</p><p>“What took you so long?” Mikoto grumped.</p><p>“I see you have less things coming out of you today, Misaka-san,” Shokuhou commented, sitting on the usual chair. “I would expect you to be at least a little bit easier to deal with.”</p><p>“I’m very easy to deal with, you’re just insufferable yourself.” Mikoto retorted.</p><p>She heard Shokuhou take a very deep breath. To her surprise, there was no response to her teasing.</p><p>“I brought you your stuff,” she handed Mikoto the bag. “You’re welcome.”</p><p>"Oh. Right, uh, thank you." Mikoto peeked through the opening, finding the books she'd asked for, together with one of her plushies and her jacket, neatly folded and clearly having been dry cleaned. Shokuhou’s own jacket had a familiar stiffness from brand new fabric. So she was forgetful to the point where she’d had to give up on trying to find hers and buy a new one.</p><p>"Next time try and be a bit nicer, Misaka-san," Shokuhou advised. "Some of us don't laze around in a hospital bed all day and have to come here on lunch break."</p><p>"I'm severely injured!" Mikoto complained. "And um, sorry..." Her voice was barely audible.</p><p>The blonde's attention had already been claimed by something else, though. "What's that?" She signalled the wheelchair with her head.</p><p>Mikoto prepared to leave her dignity aside.</p><p>"That's... my wheelchair." She explained. "I'm allowed to go out two hours a day, but..."</p><p>Shokuhou raised an eyebrow. "But?"</p><p>"Well, you see... I can't make efforts so, you know, you'll have to, uh, push me." Mikoto felt like dying upon seeing the mix of dread and shock on Shokuhou's face.</p><p>"Can't someone else do that?" She seemed thoroughly displeased.</p><p>"This is a hospital, Shokuhou, people are kind of busy around here," Mikoto couldn't hold her anger for long.</p><p>"Don't snap at me, Misaka-san, I can push you down the stairs and say you sadly didn't make it through the recovery." Shokuhou analysed a lock of her golden hair. Mikoto stared a bit, half trying to understand if the threat had been a joke, half trying not to get too caught up in how beautiful the picture before her was.</p><p>"So… That means you'll do it?" She finally inquired.</p><p>Shokuhou let out a dramatic sigh. "What choice do I have? I'm too good hearted to say no to someone in need."</p><p>If Mikoto didn't want to go out so badly she'd have simply refused the help. They had been together in the same room for a little more than five minutes and Shokuhou had already managed to drive her crazy in at least three different ways. She could feel her emotional energy draining dangerously fast.</p><p>"Can we just talk outside?” She sighed. “There’s a garden on the rooftop and there shouldn’t be too many people out right now."</p><p>"Sure thing!" Shokuhou said too enthusiastically and brought the wheelchair over to the side of her bed.</p><p>With a few stumbles, teary eyes and a series of winces and "ow"s, Mikoto successfully climbed onto the seat. She leaned her head back to look at Shokuhou, briefly catching her chewing on her lip, expression nervous as she’d never seen her make.</p><p>“We have to bring the IV too, by the way,” Mikoto voiced, slowly. “Is everything okay?”</p><p>“Yes, of course. Bring your jacket, Misaka-san, it’s freezing outside,” the change of subject sounded suspicious, but Mikoto chose to ignore it.</p><p>They made the entire way to the rooftop in an uncomfortable nervous silence. True to Shokuhou’s word, the breeze running outside was gelid. Mikoto shivered and slowly slipped the jacket over her thin hospital gown, trying to avoid painful movements. They stopped right by the door, on a bench nestled against the building wall.</p><p>“What?!” Mikoto was offended to say the least. “Come on, Shokuhou, we didn’t come all this way to sit <em> here </em>. There’s a glass balcony right in the front and we can look at the city!”</p><p>“The city is the same way it’s always been, Misaka-san, why do you want to look at it so bad?” Shokuhou mumbled, already sitting down on the bench. Mikoto noticed how hard her grip was on her purse. She was chewing on her lip again. Everything clicked.</p><p>“No way…” Mikoto struggled to keep a smirk out of her face. “You’re afraid of heights.”</p><p>“That’s the last thing I’m afraid of,” Shokuhou looked away, the slight shake on her voice almost imperceptible. Considering how good she was at deceiving others even without her ability, Mikoto could guess she was pretty much terrified. Feeling her heart rate pick up, she hesitantly extended a patched up hand.</p><p>“I guess we can talk here, then, unless you wanna go back downstairs,” her voice was barely a whisper, but she was sure the blonde heard her loud and clear, because she actually took her hand and gripped it forcefully. It hurt so badly, but Mikoto didn’t even care - she was sure her soul already had left her body the moment Shokuhou’s hand had touched hers. They stayed like that for a while that could have been minutes or hours, until Shokuhou finally released her grip on her hand to fish something out of her bag. Mikoto rubbed the sore back of her hand, idly wondering just how much stuff could be fitted in such a small bag. The blonde finally whipped out a few papers and handed them to her.</p><p>“I found some things about your friend Kakine,” Shokuhou commented, the tremor in her voice gone. “Maybe it’s in your best interest not to meddle into his business, Misaka-san, but it’s none of my concern if you choose to shorten your time here on earth.”</p><p>Mikoto stared at Shokuhou after reading through all the papers. There was a brief silence.</p><p>"It says here he had an organization… SCHOOL, right? How did you find that out?" </p><p>"I have my methods, but I can guarantee that everything in there was thoroughly fact checked if that's what you're concerned about." </p><p>"This girl… Yumiya Rakko. Kuroko caught a shady group of people trying to get their hands on some files about her. Do you think it could be them?" </p><p>Shokuhou hummed. "Yumiya-san is long dead, though." </p><p>"What?" Mikoto was pretty sure she knew someone called Yumiya who looked an awful lot like the girl in the passport photo.</p><p>"Did you not read everything there?" Shokuhou asked, annoyed. "She was killed by that Meltdowner girl below you a few years ago. We did go to school with her younger sister, if that’s what’s bugging you," her tone was weirdly bitter. “She gave me her own share of trouble too.”</p><p>"Then what could their interest be to check older Yumiya’s files?" Mikoto had a really bad feeling about the entire deal.</p><p>Shokuhou hesitated.</p><p>"Shirai-san… She let them into the Judgement office, didn't she?" </p><p>"I think so, yeah."</p><p>"Well, there's this esper in their group…" Shokuhou twirled her bag’s strap. “Actually, I’m not sure he’s alive. I couldn’t find a lot about him and he has a very confusing ability, but if he truly is still with them… He doesn’t need to get his hands on something to extract information on it. I think it’s quite suspicious that they just let themselves be caught by Judgement of all people. They’re a high rank organization. My theory is that they wanted something else out of there.”</p><p>“Should I… ask Kuroko about it maybe?” Mikoto cringed at the prospect of bringing the case up again after promising to stay out of it.</p><p>Shokuhou shook her head, though. “Don’t bother, Misaka-san. I’ll ask her about it myself later.”</p><p>Mikoto hesitated a bit, her counter argument already triggered and ready to be shot. But trust was a game for two people. Selfishly, she wished Shokuhou would trust her outside of their little quest. As a friend. So she needed to trust her back.</p><p>"Alright, I'll leave that to you." Mikoto nodded reassuringly. </p><p>Shokuhou seemed a bit surprised and Mikoto could swear she saw a brief smile flash through her lips, which only increased her unease. </p><p>"Good choice."</p><p>Mikoto sighed. “Now… About Kakine…”</p><p>“I really couldn’t find anything that might be his motive to try to kill you, Misaka-san,” Shokuhou spoke of it like she was commenting on the weather. “No one has gone missing recently either and criminality has actually been pretty low, according to Judgement. Nothing particularly out of the ordinary seems to be happening either, according to my informants. Really, it could only have been his poor anger management ability...”</p><p>Electricity crackled in the air. “I told you I didn’t do anything!”</p><p>“Intentionally, yes, but Misaka-san, there is no other explanation. You ruined something he was doing, I’m almost sure. He gets like that when his plans are threatened. Where exactly did he attack you?”</p><p>Mikoto chewed at her lip. “I have no fucking idea. Do you know anything about his power? Because he messed up my memories in such a way that I can’t remember almost anything.”</p><p>“Oh, so he went to that extent.”</p><p>“What extent? What did he do to me?” Mikoto’s hands were already messily pulling at her hair, as if she could get rid of his power like that. She felt Shokuhou’s hand on her forehead again, brushing her bangs back, soothing her. It was hard to believe she was actually immune to Mental Out with the way she felt her unsteady breath steadily return to its normal rhythm.</p><p>“Easy there, Misaka-san,” starry eyes fixed on hers again. “I’m sure you’re long outside of his control. Don’t forget his power is primarily physical and even as the second ranked he shouldn’t be able to do all that.” </p><p>“Right,” Mikoto took a deep, shaky breath.</p><p>“But really, only Kakine knows what prompted his evildoing now,” Shokuhou sighed. “If I knew you wouldn’t remember anything I wouldn’t have let the hospital staff burn your stuff. Now not even my psychometry can solve this issue.”</p><p>Mikoto blinked, a bit weirded out by the idea.</p><p>“That’s okay, we can still solve this,” Mikoto clenched her fist in determination. “They went for Kuroko because they couldn’t find me, I’m sure there’s something there. But… I’m also kind of afraid of what they might do. Can you keep an eye on her too?”</p><p>“Not only do I have to babysit you, I have to babysit your friends now too? And for free?”</p><p>“I just want to make sure she doesn’t get into anything dangerous! And I know damn well you don’t need money.”</p><p>“I wasn’t talking about money, Misaka-san.”</p><p>Mikoto’s mind blanked.</p><p>“What do you want then?”</p><p>“You owe me at least five big favours so far. Keep asking for things and I’ll add them to the list. We’ll get such good use of you in my clique…”</p><p>Mikoto didn’t know almost anything about Shokuhou Misaki’s clique, so naturally her mind flashed back to the only information she had on the matter -  Hokaze Junko’s indian poker card dream. Horror filled her instantly.</p><p>“Hey! Just what the hell kind of shady ass business-”</p><p>Shokuhou’s hand landed firmly with a smack over her head. “We could use a powerful electromaster, that’s what I’m saying. Don’t you dare badmouth our hard work.”</p><p>“Ow…” Mikoto looked up at her, tears in her eyes. “Don’t you have Hokaze for that…?”</p><p>“Her power is not like yours and you know it,” Shokuhou said, sternly. “Think of it like a bit of community work to help you improve your caveman behaviour.”</p><p>“I’m not-” Mikoto was having a really hard time keeping her anger levels down. She took a deep breath. “How about I just treat you to dinner in some fancy place?”</p><p>Shokuhou stared at her as if trying to process that Mikoto had just said those words. </p><p>"You think the price for saving your life is a dinner?"</p><p>"Well-" </p><p>"Drop it, Misaka-san,” she slowly got up to leave, “I'm not as easy as Shirai-san, so step up your game a bit if you want to go that way, okay?" She added with a smirk, fingers tilting Mikoto’s chin up and lightly running over her lips.</p><p>"W-wait what?" Mikoto was for the first time thankful for the chair, because she felt her knees go stupidly weak. Until she realised Shokuhou was actually going to leave her there. She tried to get up on instinct and immediately suppressed a pained groan. "Hey! Shokuhou, you still have to take me back to my room!"</p><p>The blonde stopped in her tracks, turning back with a blank expression and humming in fake reflection. "I could, but… That chair is made of some magnetic metal, right?" She shrugged. "Use your brute ability to help yourself for once." </p><p>Brushing her hair over her shoulder, Shokuhou elegantly walked back inside the building, leaving Mikoto behind, angrily yelling at her. </p><p>Sighing in furious resignation, Mikoto let the sparks around her die down, together with all her determination. She regretted the whole thing thoroughly, like she'd regretted very few things in her entire life. She could have gone to <em> anyone </em> for help, but her stupid lovesick overwhelmed brain <em> had </em> to drive her to Shokuhou's door and the she <em> had </em> to act all unusually nice and then she <em> had </em> to ruin it all over again with her suspicious attitude and her annoying subtle insults. God, did Shokuhou piss her off, but even then Mikoto still couldn't help feeling the stupid butterflies on her stomach and the fluttery feeling of having spent time with someone special.</p><p>She ran her hands through her hair, unsure of what to do from now on. She didn't feel like investigating the whole Kakine situation, for she was now sure it was his own problem to take care of. As the "sanest" Level 5, Mikoto often felt the responsibility to bring the others to their senses, like she'd somewhat done with Shokuhou and Accelerator. She needed to remind herself that she was not the psychiatrist of the bunch.</p><p>On the other hand, the dude had stabbed her for no reason. Landed her in the hospital for god knows how long. Was she supposed to just swallow that and move on? That couldn’t be okay - she needed to be fair to herself too. And she refused to drop the case until she knew for sure that Kuroko was safe. </p><p>Mikoto also knew that once Shokuhou didn't have a reason to come visit, she would stop coming. She didn't like her one bit. Mikoto was sure the only reason why Shokuhou still put up with her was to make sure her own safety was guaranteed by investigating until she was sure Mikoto hadn't been the main target. How could she expect something else? Something other than being constantly left alone, because she was so hard to deal with.</p><p>Vigorously shaking her head, she tried to clear her mind enough to get a hold of the imperceptible magnetic field she could create with the crappy mixed metal of the chair, which was over 90% plastic. Not strong enough to move her. Great. The day just kept getting better.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>as we progress through each chapter I'll be delving deeper into the exploration of these girl's personalities and abilities (and how each impacts the other) so expect me to take some liberties here since canon isn't very clear about them and I do know a thing or two about the modern quantum physics kamachi pulled out to explain academy city</p>
<p>cws for (non explicit) depictions of a panic attack</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Misaki heard the door click closed behind her and took a deep, shaky breath. This was not good. She'd never been afraid of heights before. It could only have been a little mistake, a little too much careless use of her ability. Misaki was the only Mental Out user in the entirety of Academy City, with no one except Ayu ever being registered to have developed an ability even remotely similar to hers. Sometimes, things like this were bound to happen. Mental Out touched the deepest strings of the human mind and although Misaki kept a detailed study diary to try and understand how each action impacted each person's personality and mind, including her own, despite years of her efforts she now understood there was still no way to predict exactly what was to trigger what. Side effects like this one were more common than she'd like; random new temporary terrors being among the most usual.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It wasn’t like she could do anything about it either, for there was no telling what could possibly happen then. Every time she was tempted to go the easy way, she remembered Ayu’s loss of control of her power and the innocent people who had died within a 500 meter radius. Misaki had to act carefully within the short time window she had to so, as was made obvious by her shaking hands as she reached for her phone to send her location to her driver. It wasn’t yet an emergency, but the potential to become one was steadily growing.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Now, she had to call an elevator and get downstairs. Misaka’s presence had surprisingly helped her keep her rationality for a bit and Misaki had even performed that award-deserving act of someone who was not slowly but surely being driven towards a panic attack, but now it was becoming increasingly harder to breathe.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A deep breath. She was Mental Out. She could deal with this.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>First step, search for things that will ground you to reality. Because reality says there is nothing to panic about, which will stop you from hyperventilating and passing out.</span>
  </em>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Misaki’s eyes drifted through the small lobby. There were stairs right ahead. A rail, too. Over the rail, a huge drop. Vertigo overcame her, the whole world tipping over the edge, and it was the last thing Misaki knew before it became too much.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Next, there’s a doctor with her. The environment was different too, she must have stumbled into the elevator at some point. He’s feeding her something that tasted like what Misaki imagined car batteries tasted like.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“She’s back,” he declared beside her as Misaki spitted out the lemon slice with the most dignity she could, repressing a gag. She waited for the dizziness to relent a bit, hands flattening against the floor to ground herself. Her jaw hurt from gritting her teeth and there were some hairs tangled between her fingers. That wasn’t too bad, he’d probably found her right away.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Fine, she was fine. This man had known what to do.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re-” he started, but Misaki’s remote was faster.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No one.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He stared blankly at her, as he should. Misaki looked for anyone else inside the room, finding it empty except for another man, standing near the door. She’d recognise that black suit anywhere.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Shokuhou-sama,” he greeted her, bowing politely. Upon seeing the way she looked at him, his voice lost all signs of the usual formality. “Everything alright?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Misaki slowly tried to get back up, testing her weight on her legs until she decided she could walk up to him without tripping.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She flashed him a grin. “Being alive sometimes... stings a bit.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Let’s buy something sweet on the way.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There were no objections.</span>
</p><hr/>
<p>
  <span>After having been driven all the way back to Tokiwadai, as she sat at her favourite seat near the large cafeteria window while mindlessly chewing a very sweet chocolate and cream crepe, Misaki felt at least slightly better. As it was usual after those episodes, she felt nothing in particular, which was always better than crippling fear.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It occurred to her that Junko was probably not going to be happy knowing it happened again. Misaki’s disregard for herself was a recurring topic in their fights and Misaki knew Junko was right; but it was too deeply ingrained into her. Having been raised in a research laboratory, Misaki was never treated like a human being. Everything they did for her was to make sure she didn’t fail as an experiment because of them. After spending her early childhood years having scientists put their hand over hers and make her press buttons on a remote until she stopped crying, it had become default for her to simply press a button whenever she felt things that could get on the way, regardless of possible consequences. Ironically, it was somewhat comforting to know her body gave her these painful reminders of her own humanity every once in a while.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Either way, thinking about such things made her feel sick and Misaki was tired from feeling sick that day. She had other matters to handle now. Like Misaka Mikoto and the fact that Misaki had very consciously decided to risk having to go through that panic attack instead of simply leaving when Misaka suggested it. Well, poor Misaka </span>
  <em>
    <span>had</span>
  </em>
  <span> spent days locked into that room and she </span>
  <em>
    <span>did </span>
  </em>
  <span>seem to be dying to leave, even if just for a bit. Still, Misaki narrowed her eyes suspiciously as she sipped her tea. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Since when am I that kind hearted?</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Not like it mattered now. They had established an agreement and she would speak to Shirai later; that was it. For the time being, she ignored her problems with practiced ease, basking in the afternoon sun and savoring the sweet treat.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Shokuhou-san, should you not be in class by now?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Misaki almost choked on her food, glancing up at her math teacher. She discreetly slid a hand into her purse, entertaining him with an embarrassed look and feigned stammering.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Whatever do you mean, Osaka-sensei?" She clicked a button. "I </span>
  <em>
    <span>am</span>
  </em>
  <span> in class right now."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The teacher nodded in understanding. "Do your best, then, Shokuhou-san." And with that, he left the cafeteria.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Misaki sighed. Her momentary bliss had been interrupted and the mood was completely ruined. She looked at the crepe in her hands, almost finished already. Good things really never did last.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Slowly getting up, she dragged herself back to her room, skillfully avoiding people on the way. Since she didn’t have a reason to go back to the hospital that night, she considered it a babysitting free night. It would do wonders for her to catch up on school work and handle business for her clique. Junko usually took care of whatever overflowed Misaki's schedule, but she still felt bad for leaving all the work to Junko, especially given the fact that she was a third year and therefore would have to be dealing with finals sometime soon.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dutifully, after showering, Misaki texted Junko to meet up for studying and chatting - a welcome distraction from everything.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The late afternoon sun was already shining its inclined light directly into everyone's eyes when Misaki arrived at their usual table. Junko waved at her enthusiastically, already buried in papers and books.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Good afternoon, Queen! How have you been?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Misaki internally cringed at the question. "Same as always," she replied vaguely, entertaining herself with placing her things on the table and starting to copy down Junko's notes. "It's been a busy week, though," she commented idly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Junko hummed, too concentrated in her work to provide her with an actual answer.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You've been out a lot lately, I barely see you around anymore," Junko voiced sadly, after a few minutes. "Is something the matter?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Misaki shrugged. "Just the usual stuff. You'll get it when the Board accepts your Level 5 application."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Junko stared a bit, pausing her work to try to decipher Misaki's tone.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She laughed nervously. "I don't think that's going to happen, though..."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Misaki didn't look up from her worksheet. "Why not?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Junko's tone was sheepish. "Well, because of my unconscious protection, right? I can't do much like this..."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Misaki hummed. "But I know you've been making some progress, Junko." She seemed caught off guard, so Misaki continued. "That's why the headaches are back, is it not?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"...I did manage to upgrade my strength just a bit, but since it will hurt again I don't think it's worth it at all..."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I can keep helping you with it, you know?" Misaki pressed. "That just means my synchronization needs updating too."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Junko was silent for a while.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"...I don't know if I want to be a Level 5." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There it was. Misaki couldn't contain a small, bitter smile. She knew Junko had already had her own troubles as a Level 5 candidate. Enough to know what would await her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"So, you don't want to be a Level 5 at all," Misaki translated. "Junko-san, you're making the right decision."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The conversation ended there.</span>
</p><hr/>
<p>
  <span>Some stars were already appearing in the sky when Misaki left the meeting room to go back to her dorm. Thankfully, the weekend was approaching, which meant she could finally sleep until afternoon the next day. The prospect made her feel a little bit better. There had been so many things pending to be dealt with by people from her clique... Some students had started working with a lab for a bigger project to launch their scientific careers and Misaki had to go to a lot of trouble to guarantee that the lab was indeed not a place like the one she'd grown up in.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her thoughts wandered back to Misaka and the horrible morning that had ensued their meeting and she wondered if all their encounters would always have to end in some kind of emotional drama. Dealing with Misaka was always the biggest challenge for her, even as a telepathic esper - it seemed like Misaka was out of every behavioral pattern she knew (as was expected from a Level 5, yet Misaki just couldn't wrap her head around her no matter how hard she tried). And then there was her immunity to Mental Out. Two more people, she assumed, could dodge her powers, but she made sure to never cross paths with them, especially now that she didn't have Exterior anymore. She'd tried to do the same with Misaka by making sure she hated her for everything she was, but the electromaster wouldn't leave her alone. It made her so nervous that she didn't know what Misaka's intentions were that Misaki constantly felt on edge, overthinking every single one of their conversations. She didn't know how much longer she could handle something like that, but still she felt like she couldn't leave. There was something in Misaka, something that fascinated her like nothing else and Misaki found herself waking up early and giving up her lunch breaks to visit her at the hospital. She found herself enduring the heavy emotional clashes between them, she found herself trying and trying to understand someone she should be as far away from as possible. Something like that couldn't be good at all.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Reaching her room, Misaki silently closed the door, leaning her head against it. Lucky for her, Misaka had a roommate who was also her best friend and knew her better than anyone. She would talk to Shirai the next day and she would do her best to refrain from going through the teleporter's every memory. Misaka had surprisingly allowed her to handle the conversation and Misaki wasn't looking forward to handling another angry outburst if she found out she'd stepped over the line. Shirai could tell her what kind of person Misaka was if asked the right questions.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Picking up her phone, Misaki started setting up the scenario where she'd accidentally stumble into Shirai the next day, since she knew the girl would rather move countries than willingly talk to her. After that, it would be time to face yet another meeting with Misaka. This time she knew better than accepting to go up to the rooftop again. Misaka could find someone else to walk her outside for all she cared.</span>
</p><hr/>
<p>
  <span>A very grumpy Shirai glared at her from the other side of the table.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Give me one single good reason to not disappear from here right this instant," she crossed her arms in annoyance. Misaki noted with a spark of curiosity that, contrary to the majority of people, Shirai didn’t seem to be afraid to upset her. Maybe because she was used to dealing with criminals on a daily basis, or maybe she simply didn’t care if Misaki used her ability on her. It was unsettling, in a way; like Shirai had a plan, like she had the upper hand here.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Misaki, who had previously prepared to use up all her patience for this meeting, calmly sipped her tea from her favorite porcelain teacup.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I wanted to talk to you about Misaka-san," the simple declaration was enough to make a curious expression briefly appear on Shirai's face, quickly replaced by a much deeper frown.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"What do you know?" She asked sharply.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Misaki was a bit taken aback by her reaction; it didn't really match what she'd predicted. But that was normal, she just needed a bit more time to get into Shirai’s head. "Why don't you sit and have some tea so we can talk, Shirai-san?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She did as told, but didn't touch the teacup. "This could be poisoned for all I know."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Misaki shrugged lightly. "Do as you please."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"What did Onee-sama do this time?" Shirai sighed. Suddenly, she seemed exhausted. Misaki liked that, at the very least, she was so easy to read.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Has she been giving you a hard time?" Misaki started, discreetly. She knew Shirai would start taking, given the right prompt. Misaki’s only disadvantage was how little she knew about this spiky tempered teleporter.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Why do you care?" Shirai glared at her defyingly. "My relationship with Onee-sama is none of your concern."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"It's just that my attention has been brought to an incident to which I believe she's tied to... Indirectly."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shirai blinked. "What incident?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Something about a group that was caught by Judgement these days..." Misaki feigned confusion. "I was hoping you could tell me about it."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shirai gasped, offended. "Excuse me? As far as I know you're not a Judgment officer, are you Shokuhou-san? I can't let you into our confidential business."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Misaki idly analyzed a remote in her hand. "I can know about anything I want to know, Shirai-san, one way or the other."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Are you seriously blackmailing me right now?" Of all things, Shirai was now smiling. An ironic, incredulous smile, but a smile nonetheless. </span>
  <em>
    <span>How annoying.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"All I'm saying is that I'll find out anyway, so you could very well tell me what I want to know."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"If that were true you wouldn't be here with me."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Misaki pursed her lips, coming to the conclusion that she'd wildly underestimated Shirai Kuroko. Admittedly, getting information out of people without Mental Out usually took her more tea meetings and subsequent research, but there was currently no time for that whole process. She’d hoped she could solve this in one talk, but Shirai wasn’t as easy as most people. It should have been expected, Misaki thought, someone like Misaka wouldn’t befriend just </span>
  <em>
    <span>anyone</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Tell me exactly what Onee-sama has to do with this and I might tell you about the case." Shirai proposed ultimately.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Misaki knew the girl's righteous sense of justice would never allow her to do that. Frustration took over her and she clicked her tongue. She couldn’t use Mental Out on her, however. This was someone Misaka cared about and loved. Someone who had gotten closer to understanding Misaka than anyone else, someone who actually </span>
  <em>
    <span>knew</span>
  </em>
  <span> her mind better than Misaki herself.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The next second, Misaki found herself already pressing a button on her remote.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shirai's most recurring thoughts flashed through her mind. She was staring at the ceiling of a bedroom, legs swinging in the air. A conversation with Misaka ensued.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Who could be keeping you this busy? Who is it that caught your heart Onee-sama? </span>
  </em>
  <span>Another voice, repeating over and over. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I'm so grateful to have you as a friend. I'll make things fair for you.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Getting the hang of Shirai’s mental timeline, Misaki clicked another button, immediately bringing up the Judgement office scenario. A total of three people sat before her, none of them being the person she was looking for, but one of them being Kakine himself. Shirai clearly hadn’t recognised him, but he really was unmistakable. Misaki carefully replayed the scene over and over, analyzing every detail with crescent worry. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Never expected him to take the matter in his own hands.</span>
  </em>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shirai’s questions going unanswered. A blond girl filing her nails the entire time. Her body language balantantly indicated lack of attention and impatience. The man beside her had an exhausted look on his face, barely holding up - he reminded her a bit of Misaka on her first days in the hospital. None of them seemed threatening. Kakine had an unreadable expression, but the way he stared at Shirai was unsettling at the very least. Misaki could only guess he was doing something, though she couldn’t possibly know what. However, she had her suspicions that Shirai wasn’t his target, for her memories were clear and untampered with. She scrutinized the background the best she could with Shirai’s own recollection of it being somewhat fuzzy, since it wasn’t the focus. Nothing suspicious appeared; naturally, Dark Matter could be anything - even invisible if needed. Kakine surely was there in person for a reason, though. She had to talk to Misaka about it later.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Carefully, she made Shirai come back to her senses, acting as if nothing had happened. If Misaka ever dreamt that something like that had ever ensued she would be in great trouble. Picking up on Shirai’s last proposal and ignoring her own dizziness, she continued.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Shirai-san, such foul words!” She gasped. “Did you actually think I would take that as more than a weak bluff? I simply thought you would be willing to cooperate so that I could spare time and keep things between us, but if you refuse to help me then so be it. I will do it my way.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Good luck with that.” Shirai spat and vanished the next second. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Misaki’s face was immediately buried in her hands, the remote hitting the table with a crack. She forcefully rubbed her eyes, trying to understand why her mind was racing like that, why that rotten feeling was eating deeply at her. Misaka had never had that much of an influence on her life, but now it was all about her, all the time. Like Misaka Mikoto was everywhere she went and all she talked about to other people and now even cursing her thoughts and making her desperate enough to go through an innocent outsider's memories.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Misaki got up, trying to clear her head. This was okay. Kakine hadn't found Misaka yet, which indicated she was indeed not the target of whatever his little quest was. That also meant Misaki hadn't become a target by sheltering her and siding with her either. There was no reason for her to go back to the hospital to clear up the situation that could be handled with a simple phone call. Yet, she did pull out her phone, but to call her driver. </span>
</p><hr/>
<p>
  <span>The weather worsened a lot during the trip to the hospital. Clouds piled up in the sky, increasing the atmospheric pressure. The tension in the air was so tangible that Misaki could almost feel her hair sticking up, charged with static. Some lighting could be seen at times, but the sound of thunder was yet to be near enough to be heard. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The rain started to pour wildly as she slowly walked to the reception room. It was like the universe was telling her to not go to the hospital, but she couldn't help it. Had she not been a mind controller herself, she'd think she was under the influence of one. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She carefully shook the water out of her umbrella at the entrance, momentarily observing the other people who went in and out. Did they feel this strange bitterness too? Was it something that was hanging in the air?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The walk to Misaka's room was silent and so was her greeting as she entered to find a peaceful, sleeping Misaka. Her hair was a bit messy, spread all over the pillow. It was getting a bit longer from the time at the hospital. Misaki stared and didn't find her image ridiculous like the first time she saw that scene. She felt something actually </span>
  <em>
    <span>melting</span>
  </em>
  <span> inside her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Terrified, she scrambled for a distraction, her anxious fingers immediately gripping a specific notebook inside her bag. Misaki rarely wrote anything there, but it was life saving in situations like this one. She put her hair up in a ponytail and gracelessly dived into her work, unable to care about anything else around her.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>so. it's been an unholy amount of time since last update :') for this I had reasons such as writers block and a bunch of things that kept me busy, also I kinda took the holidays off from writting so.. anyway, school's been keeping me busy and I signed up for a bunch of extra projects lately so idk if I'll be able to go back to the old update schedule, but hopefully I won't take 2 whole months to update again lmao</p>
<p>on another note, thank you all so much for the support to this story!! I've updated my profile here and linked my twitter acc in case any of yall wants to hmu</p>
<p>see you next chapter ~</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>"early" update because we went back into lockdown here! this also feels like a good time to say this story was named after the song ずるいね by chelmico and you guys should totally listen to it because it's a bop<br/>no cws for this chapter, but I won't say it's light either</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Mikoto woke up feeling completely relaxed and rested. A single ray of the afternoon sun was filtered through the dimming blinds on the window, raindrops clicking against the glass, and she felt a fleeting warm fuzzy joy - until she spotted the familiar head of shiny golden hair. Her previous phone call with Kuroko flashed through her memory and a burning anger took over her on a whim. Shokuhou, for her part, seemed way too concentrated on furiously scribbling something down on a small notebook to notice her fury. Mikoto elevated the static in the air, making her hairs stick up - something she knew Shokuhou hated - but to no avail, she really was completely in her world.</p>
<p>“How long have you been there?” Mikoto spat. Shokuhou gasped, startled by the sudden sound, slamming her notebook shut hurriedly.</p>
<p>“Ah, Misaka-san, you’re finally up,” she commented sweetly. Mikoto wasn’t having any of it.</p>
<p>“Why <em> the fuck </em> did you go through Kuroko’s memories?”</p>
<p>She watched with the smallest hint of pleasure as Shokuhou’s smile disappeared together with the colour in her face.</p>
<p>“I didn’t.”</p>
<p>Mikoto paused. The statement was so matter-of-fact that for a few heartbeats she actually believed it. Shokuhou was actually a damn good liar.</p>
<p>“Then how did you get the information? You wouldn’t come here personally empty handed and I know you didn't talk to Uiharu, who was the only other person that knew of this."</p>
<p>"Hm? How can you be so sure?" </p>
<p>"She said you didn't," Mikoto paused and looked her dead in the eyes. "Did you go through <em> Uiharu's </em> memories then?"</p>
<p>Shokuhou had a perfect lie ready, Mikoto just knew it. However, she seemed troubled, too - like she couldn't bring herself to say what she wanted to. She stared at her hands for a few seconds, hesitating only briefly before asking with surprising honesty, "Shirai-san is the closest friend you have, isn't she, Misaka-san?" </p>
<p>Mikoto was taken aback by it enough to impulsively reply, "She's my best friend."</p>
<p>"She's the closest I'll ever be to knowing your intentions." Shokuhou's declaration hung in the heavy air. There were a few heartbeats of silence. </p>
<p>"You…" Mikoto was still in the process of organizing her thoughts. "I <em> told </em>you what I wanted. Have I betrayed you before? Why wouldn't you trust me?"</p>
<p>Shokuhou shook her head in disbelief. "Why would I? Misaka-san, are you naive to the point of trusting people because they've never betrayed you? If you knew half of the things I've seen with my ability… Firstly you wouldn't get into so much trouble all the time, but more importantly you'd learn about the true human nature."</p>
<p>Mikoto was silent, too stunned to see Shokuhou open up about something like this to dare interrupt her.</p>
<p>"The people at the lab where I grew up would stab me and my friends in the back every single day," she emphasized the last three words, "while smiling and promising us big successes. Do you think I'll fall for another one of those traps again? Do you think it's easy for me to be completely defenseless against you, Misaka-san? Words meaning <em> nothing </em> when you could be thinking <em> anything</em>." </p>
<p>The heavy silence seemed to wrap around everything in the room at the same speed the temperature rose around Mikoto.</p>
<p>"Shokuhou, you're… so selfish," she was beyond angry. "I can understand your issues, but why does Kuroko have to pay for it? Why does everyone always have to bring my friends into unfair situations?"</p>
<p>"So you think it's more than fair to just blatantly lie to them and still call them your friends?"</p>
<p>"Fairer than letting them be manipulated by people like you, that's for sure." Mikoto knew it was a low blow, but on she went, for Shokuhou had to feel the pain too. "Don't you ever feel even the slightest bit of guilt?"</p>
<p>"I'm very well past the guilt." Shokuhou replied, intensely. "I felt horrible every hour and every day until I felt nothing at all. I do what I have to do to survive in this city. I didn't ask to be born with this ability. Do you really think I wouldn't rather play with sparks if given the choice?"</p>
<p>Mikoto didn’t have the chance to reply, too busy staring at the pure <em> dead </em> expression on Shokuhou Misaki’s sparkly eyes. When had her mask come off? At what point in their argument had Mikoto driven her to her limit? It would be almost fascinating if it wasn’t so terrifying.</p>
<p>"On the other hand, do <em> you </em> ever feel bad, Misaka-san?" She continued, her piercing stare scrutinizing Mikoto. In that moment, she didn’t look like the elegant, delicate high class lady she always presented herself to be. Mikoto could feel the raging anger radiating from her, just as destructive as her own. "For lying so much, like it's nothing? To the only people who mean well?"</p>
<p>Maybe it was because they were said by Shokuhou, but upon hearing those words Mikoto snapped out of her torpor and everything came back to her, hitting her like a bus. Because Shokuhou was right and now Mikoto felt like throwing up, disgusted at herself. </p>
<p>"If you really went through Kuroko's memories you'll know the answer to that," she replied, cold and empty. They had drifted away from the point of the discussion and now she felt hopeless to no end, after hearing all that from Shokuhou. All their encounters were definitely destined to disaster and Mikoto wasn't sure how much more of it she could handle. Although she didn’t seem to want Shokuhou to leave…</p>
<p>Mikoto frowned, shoving those thoughts as far away as she could.</p>
<p>"Apologize to Kuroko." She voiced, finally. "Apologize to her and we'll leave all of this behind. This entire thing. I could already guess you made sure Kakine is minding his business. Soon I'll be able to walk again, so you really don't need to come here anymore. I’ll handle it from now on. Thanks for the help, Shokuhou."</p>
<p>Her heart ached all over and she looked at Shokuhou in pursuit of any kind of reassurance, but her expression was unreadable. Like always, she got up, swung the strap of her purse over her shoulder and silently left - for the first time without the promise of coming back another day. And why did that have to <em> hurt </em> so much? What god had she unintentionally offended to have to feel things like these?</p>
<p>Mikoto let the pure storm of negativity envolve her until she felt physically sick, before weakly raising an arm to clean up the wetness on her face. </p>
<hr/>
<p>Mikoto had exactly five days to sulk in suffocating loneliness and self-pity. It was pretty pathetic, she thought, how hard she’d failed at pushing those feelings away. The utter emptiness she felt knowing Shokuhou wouldn’t visit her again was just <em> disgusting</em>. The rush of euphoria she got the one and only time Kuroko mentioned Shokuhou - solely to ask if Mikoto knew what the fuck was wrong with her, because she’d totally just approached Kuroko in a hallway and <em> apologized </em> - was what ultimately made Mikoto realise how thoroughly <em> fucked </em> she was. At least Shokuhou rightfully hated her now. Maybe there was a chance her ultimate plan to stay away from inconvenient feelings would still work.</p>
<p>On the fifth day, though, someone knocked at the door to Mikoto’s room. The first thing she thought weird was the fact that this person was knocking in the first place. The only two people Mikoto imagined that, for some miracle, could ever come in through that door at that hour were either Kuroko or Shokuhou and neither of them had the habit of knocking, with Kuroko generally preferring teleporting inside right away and Shokuhou probably feeling far too superior to wait for an answer before unceremoniously walking in. Luckily, by now Mikoto could already get up to open the door herself. A spark lit up near her head, trying to grasp the familiar wave patterns of any of her friend's phones without success. Frowning, Mikoto approached the door, limping a bit. She was surprised by lavender curls and a soft, delicate voice.</p>
<p>“Misaka-san!” Hokaze bowed slightly and let herself in, despite Mikoto’s astonished look. “Are you feeling better now?”</p>
<p>Mikoto tried to think fast. She had never hung out much with Hokaze outside of their little power development shared classes, but she was, as far as she knew, Shokuhou’s equivalent of a best friend. Hokaze Junko was popularly known as the Queen’s right hand, someone who helped her with all the boring clique business, but Mikoto had seen them flashing some very honest smiles at each other. Shokuhou didn’t speak of her with the usual distant formality she used to refer to her uncountable other clique members. Knowing this, Mikoto could wildly guess that Hokaze should be trustworthy in the big picture. Besides, she always seemed to be under Shokuhou's control, even though her eyes never displayed any abnormal twinkling.</p>
<p>"Um, yeah. I can kind of walk now." Mikoto explained awkwardly, sitting back down on her bed. "What exactly brings you here, Hokaze-san?"</p>
<p>Her eyes lit up. "You see, Misaka-san, there's this new Gekota plushie-" </p>
<p>"For real!?" Mikoto couldn't contain her enthusiasm. With all the recent events she hadn't been able to keep up with her interests at all and a cute new Gekota plushie was everything she needed to feel at least a bit better. However, as Hokaze excitedly went on about this edition's specifications, Mikoto's euphoria quickly died down.</p>
<p>"Oh, but… I can't exactly leave the hospital yet." </p>
<p>"Ah, yes. The Queen explained everything to me, so that's exactly why I'm here," Hokaze elucidated. "I thought I could go get one for each of us and as soon as you're out of here we could meet at the usual café and I'd give you yours. I'm sorry I can't come back here soon, but I'm terribly busy because of finals."</p>
<p>Mikoto blinked, trying to process whatever was said after Shokuhou’s name. </p>
<p>"Shokuhou… told you about my situation… and sent you here?" </p>
<p>"Oh, no! Nothing like that, Misaka-san san," Hokaze awkwardly waved her hands as if trying to shoo the idea away. "I just thought it'd be nice to do this for you, since you can't. The Queen has nothing to do with this," she reassured. </p>
<p>"Oh." Mikoto suddenly felt a bit guilty. "I'm sorry, Hokaze-san, that was rude. It’s really nice of you to offer to do this for me, thank you." </p>
<p>"Now, now, no need for all that…" She noticed Hokaze was blushing a bit. "Do you think we can meet this same day next week? It's my most free day."</p>
<p>Mikoto hummed, trying to remember what the doctor had told her that morning. "I think so. Does lunch break work?" </p>
<p>"Of course!" Hokaze beamed. "Now then, I'll be out if you excuse me. There's a class that I don't want to miss in half an hour." </p>
<p>"Uh, sure. I’ll see you then!" Mikoto was still puzzled as she watched Hokaze politely excuse herself and leave. It was a few seconds before the wave of questions flooded her mind. Just what did Hokaze know? And why had she come personally instead of calling if she was so busy? Mikoto couldn't picture her doing anything suspicious in the slightest, but the whole situation seemed a bit off, although she couldn't pinpoint exactly why.</p>
<p>It was fine, though, for she was getting to buy one more indulgent thing to cover up for the latest depressing happenings and she let that thought comfort her through the week.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Mikoto came back to school two days before her scheduled meeting with Hokaze day. It was pretty much everything she thought about, even while trying to catch up with school work that she had kind of slacked off with, because she hadn’t dared ask any of her classmates for notes. She wasn’t close with anyone from her grade except maybe Shokuhou, but right now she would rather fail the year altogether than see her again. </p>
<p>A spike of dread lodged in her stomach at the thought of the blonde. All the thoughts that stalked her and kept her up at night still littered her mind every day and Mikoto could suddenly sympathize with the way Kuroko used to act around her. She was desperate - it wasn’t getting any better over time, just worse and worse if anything. She’d feel the same thrilling vertigo of diving into a several kilometer fall every time she thought about Shokuhou. And she thought about her all the time. It was driving her crazy, Mikoto really couldn’t wait for all of it to go away once and for all.</p>
<p>Calm and soothing, however, the day of her meeting with Hokaze eventually came. It had been a fairly good day, Mikoto thought as she walked to the café after class; the weather had been nice and things had gone smoothly. She and Kuroko had had some time to talk over lunch break, which made Mikoto feel pure bliss for a short hour. It nearly made her feel less terrible for keeping secrets, almost like the old times when they were both competitive Level 4s, challenging each other to do better and better over warm, sunny afternoons of pristine friendship. Mikoto sighed, feeling light years away from her younger self.</p>
<p>The fancy café building was suddenly in front of her and Mikoto shook her thoughts away. Her day was about to get even better, there was no need to dwell on nostalgic feelings that didn't make her mood improve at all.</p>
<p>Walking over to the appointed table, Mikoto didn't see Hokaze waiting for her. The promised Gekota plushie was there, but it was happily lying on a pile of books and paperwork, behind which was none other than Shokuhou Misaki.</p>
<p>Mikoto froze in place, her heart suddenly racing like she’d just chugged five energy drinks. One thousand questions flashed through her brain in a second; she couldn’t help but wonder where on earth Hokaze was and why she hadn't warned her that Shokuhou was coming too. <em> Maybe she just went to the bathroom or something? </em> But then again, only one side of the table was occupied, there were no signs of a second person’s presence. Mikoto checked the time, making sure she wasn’t too late or too early. Right on time. This could not be happening.</p>
<p>On the bright side, Shokuhou hadn’t noticed her presence, even though she was standing there in the main passage area, right on everyone's way - that was her awesome ability to tune out everything else when she was focused on something. Mikoto could simply turn on her heels and leave. Walk right through that door. Then maybe call Hokaze and… Mikoto forgot where she was going with that train of thought, too busy noticing how unfairly <em> cute </em> the little braids on the side of Shokuhou’s hair were. She probably made them to keep some stray locks out of her eyes and <em> oh my god she’s wearing glasses too. </em> Mikoto suddenly felt like crying.</p>
<p>While her mind panicked, her body seemed to decide that she was indeed emotionally prepared to deal with all of this and so she walked over to the table and picked up the gekota plushie. Kinda hard to miss that. Shokuhou looked up, a deep frown already settling in her pretty features.</p>
<p>"Misaka-san?" Her voice had a hint of equal parts exasperation and gradual horror to it. "Where's Junko?" </p>
<p>"That's what I'd like to know."</p>
<p>A few heartbeats of silent staring at each other. </p>
<p>"She set us up." Shokuhou voiced, darkly.</p>
<p>"What!?" </p>
<p>"She set us up, Misaka-san. It's not that hard to comprehend, is it? I'm making an effort to speak in a way you'll understand so try to keep up, yes?" </p>
<p>Mikoto was way too emotionally drained to start another pointless fight with her. She didn't think she could, anyway. </p>
<p>"Why would Hokaze do that?" </p>
<p>Mikoto could swear a faint blush appeared on Shokuhou's cheeks, but maybe it was just the lighting. "Have you already forgotten how frequent this was in the past? I told her about our disagreement a few days ago and she clearly took it as an invitation to play her cupid role.” Her phone lit up on the table at the same time Mikoto’s own vibrated in her pocket and Shokuhou picked it up, showing her a message from Hokaze about how a teacher had scheduled an unexpected exam preparation class last-minute and she wouldn’t be able to show up. “Should have expected this when she told me to bring that plushie. I will definitely make her run ten laps across the school campus after this one."</p>
<p>Mikoto winced, glancing at the entrance door. “Guess there’s no point in me staying, then.”</p>
<p>“Wait,” Shokuhou’s hand lightly wrapped around her wrist; Mikoto could not have left if she wanted to. “I have apologised to Shirai-san, it’s only fair I apologise to you too.”</p>
<p><em> What? </em> She was very tempted to check Shokuhou for a fever. Maybe some unknown very powerful esper was controlling her? That’d be trouble... Or maybe Mikoto herself had been somehow drugged. Yep, there was no way Shokuhou Misaki 'the Queen' was getting up right there and bowing to her of all people.</p>
<p>“I am very sorry about what I told you, Misaka-san,” she declared and Mikoto almost snorted at how formal her choice of words was. It looked like they were ending a contract over some mishap between their corporations. “I don’t know what came over me, but it won’t happen again. That being said, I have stepped over every boundary, so I understand if you no longer… need my help. We don’t need to work together any longer if you- Stop laughing!”</p>
<p>Mikoto tried to, she really did, but Shokuhou’s pout was the cutest thing she’d seen all day and her face was all red and she couldn’t believe any of this wasn’t another hopeful dream. Once she got the giggling under control, Mikoto sat down on the other side of the table, holding onto the fluffy plushie and taking a deep breath. The previous serious atmosphere seemed to involve them again as Shokuhou apprehensively waited for her response.</p>
<p>“You seem to forget I also had a fault here. I said some pretty mean things to you too.” Mikoto said finally, a small smile still lingering on her lips. “Or is that convenient? ...Do you <em> want </em> me to leave, Shokuhou?”</p>
<p>She stirred her tea a bit to gain time. "I… don't know. If I can't get over myself then maybe it's for the better that-" </p>
<p>"Oh, come on. We both have issues. We both grew up in this fucking hell hole as Level 5's. It's okay. It's fine. You can learn how to trust people and I can learn how to be more honest. Because we're human and learning is what we do. That's how we survive." Truly, Mikoto couldn't bear to see someone else push people away just like she did. She wanted nothing more than for Shokuhou to be happy. With her, preferably, but that selfish wish remained unacknowledged as Mikoto continued. "Because fuck if I don't regret endorsing our fight, telling you all those awful things I didn't mean. I don't hate you and I'm sick of pretending I do. So if you do wanna be friends, be honest once and for all."</p>
<p>The emotion in Shokuhou's eyes as she looked at her was nothing short of admiration. Mikoto felt her whole face, ears and neck heat up and recoiled a bit in her chair. "Stop staring at me like that," she mumbled.</p>
<p>"I'm sorry, I'm just not used to having people be so eager to forgive me." Shokuhou giggled. Mikoto had never heard her speak in such an honest, soft tone. "Misaka-san you truly are something else. I was never mad at you for a second - how could I after everything I said to you? Your response was nothing more than self defense."</p>
<p>"There are better ways to cope with fights and you know it," Mikoto accused. "Stop trying to take the blame."</p>
<p>Shokuhou smiled warmly. "I guess that is fair. Thank you for giving me a second chance."</p>
<p>"It's not that big of a deal." Mikoto shrugged, lying through her teeth once again to convince herself that this was, in fact, not a big deal. "I give people second chances all the time. Besides," she smirked, "it's like I said before: it's nice to know that even people like you are capable of messing up once in a while."</p>
<p>Shokuhou very obviously blushed this time. It was beautiful. Mikoto felt tempted to tease her a bit more just to see it again.</p>
<p>"Thank you too for forgiving me, Shokuhou," she said with a bright grin, "we'll be great friends."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>hmm they seem like really good friends ;)<br/>well, next chapters will need a shit ton of editing because past me thought it was a good idea to start compulsively writing this entire thing without having any plot in mind (this was supposed to be..... a oneshot.....) and now present tired me has to connect everything together, so the date of the next update is entirely up to the gods<br/>in the mean time you can find me on <a href="https://twitter.com/crankygoddess">twitter</a> if you wanna know how bad I'm stuggling</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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